Beauty in the Making
by TheBlackDove4
Summary: Sequel to Play Me. Summer is officially here and Bella is ready to rid her life of the memories of Edward Cullen. Will she succeed? Not even close... BxE All-Human
1. First Wednesday

It had been an ugly break-up. After I caught Jack cheating on me, I never looked back. The funny thing was, I didn't even cry. I wasn't even sad. I almost felt bad for not being sad. After all, I had loved Jack… hadn't I? Maybe not… especially if I wasn't sad about him cheating. I only felt anger, Nothing else.

It was the first Wednesday of summer vacation and it had already been the summer from hell. I caught Jack with another girl on the night of the last day of school. Fabulous. The Monday after that, I went white water rafting with Renee, Charlie, and Ben. What started out as a nice ride on a lazy river turned out to be a fight for survival when the thunderstorm hit. And the water was cold. That had only been two days ago and I still hadn't recovered.

I got out of bed and went downstairs where Renee, Charlie, and Ben were all eating breakfast.

"Look who got up before me," I said dryly to Ben.

"Do be hatin'. It's not my fault you're turning into an old woman, sleeping in all day."

"Whatever, punk."

I opened the fridge and took out the orange juice. I put it back after serving myself and closed the door. I took a sip as I eyed a picture on the door of the fridge.

"Okay, Mom, I have to ask. This picture has been up here for the past three weeks and I don't know why. Who is it?"

"That's Jacob Black, Bells," Dad answered, not looking up from his paper.

"Oh," I said in monotone, just now noticing the name under the picture. "So why is his "picture on our fridge."

"It's his graduation invitation. It's to remind me to get him something as a gift before they get here."

My head shot up. I had known who the Blacks were. We got Christmas cards from them every couple of years and I had actually seen younger pictures of Jacob and his sister, Rebecca. And I knew that their family, my family, and the Clearwaters were all family friends. That was why Ben and Seth were so close. I had never actually _met_ Jacob or Rebecca, or if I did, it was so long ago, I couldn't remember. They lived in California, so we never saw them much. But now they were coming here to Forks. Fabulous.

"Why the _hell_ would they be coming here?"

"They're getting off their cruise on Saturday and they'll be passing through Washington to get home, so they're coming to stay with the Clearwaters for a few days before going back to California."

I groaned loudly. "Why?"

"Well, we haven't seen them in awhile, Bella. We'd like to catch up. And Laura wants to bring Billy, Jacob, and Rebecca to see the house. They haven't been here since we built it."

"So? Who cares? Why do they need to stop by here?"

"Because they're our friends, Bella. And we would appreciate their company!"

I groaned again. "Ugh, I hate my life!"

"Ooooohhhh," Charlie whistled, "Jacob won't be able to stop looking at you, Bella."

My blood began to boil. My father seemed to think that, just because I'm his daughter, I'm the hottest piece of ass around. He's biased and it drives me insane. He just doesn't seem to get that no guy other than him thinks I'm worth a second look. It infuriated me.

"Would you just stop?" I screamed at him. "You're the only one who thinks that, so just shut up!"

"What's got you so wound up?" he asked.

"You never stop! You think that every guy around wants me and you're wrong! You were wrong about Edward, so I don't want to hear another word out of you about some random guy being into me when nobody cares!"

I stomped back upstairs and slammed my door. It had been the first time I had come out of my room all summer and, in less than ten minutes, that's where I ended up again. All thanks to my father and his ungodly large mouth.

I hated that the Blacks were coming to town. I didn't know them. I didn't care to see them. And knowing Laura Black, Sue Clearwater, and my own mother… a giant tri-family get together was in the making. And it was going to_ suck_. Rachel Clearwater had graduated high school last year and was taking a 28-month non-stop course for some profession I knew nothing about. So she wouldn't even be there. Great. There went the one person I could tolerate. And I didn't even know her that well. But then there was Leah, Rachel's sister and Seth's cousin. Luckily, Seth wouldn't be there, so all I had to deal with was Leah. She was irritating as hell, but give me an alternative. At least the precious nine-year-old had tipped me off about Seth telling his friends that he had slept with me.

I immediately called Bronwyn Weber. Since Angela was gone for the summer, Bronwyn was the one I went to. To be honest, I preferred her.

"Hello?"

"Bronwyn?"

"Bella?"

"Yeah."

"Hey, what's up?"

"I appear to have a weekend from hell ahead of me. Wanna come over on Friday night?"

"Is that when hell begins?"

"No. That's Saturday at the earliest. I just need a pick-me-up _before_ they drag me down."

"Who?"

"The Blacks."

"Oh. Aren't they those people who live a thousand miles away that your parents get together with every ten years or something?"

"I really don't know. I just know that they're coming here for my parents."

"How do you know that?"

"'Cause _I_ don't know them, Bron."

"Oh. Good point."

"So are you game?"

"Sure."

"Great. See you Friday."

"See ya."


	2. Brings Me Relief

We were woken up at eight-thirty on Saturday morning to my cell going off. I was Bronwyn's mother wanting her home to babysit the kids. After she left, I promised her that I would come over to keep her company. I needed quality time with the kids anyway. So I was getting dressed, I bent down to pull my underwear on. And as I stood up, I felt the most unbearable pain shoot up my lower back. I fell straight to the floor.

So when I got to the Webers, I had Bronwyn and the little kids all stand on my back, which helped a little. I eventually gave up, went home, got a shower, and vowed not to leave my bed for the rest of the day. But then Renee called my name. I groaned and limped my way to her office and plopped onto the first chair I saw.

"What?" I moaned.

"Is your bathroom clean?"

"Not really. Why?"

"The Blacks are probably gonna come by the house any time after church and I want your bathroom clean. For some reason, it's the most popular one in the house."

"Really? They are really coming _here_?"

"Yes, probably."

"Why?"

"Because Laura wants to see the house and I'm sure Rebecca does, too."

"Fine. Just as long as I get to stay in my room and lay on my bed and don't have to entertain them."

Renee didn't respond.

So this time, I called Alice.

"Hello?"

"Alice, it's Bella."

"Hey, I was just about to call you! Do you wanna spend the night tonight?"

I breathed a sigh of relief. "I'm on my way."

I told Renee and Charlie where I was going, packed my bags, and left for Alice's. When I got there, we went to the mall and talked about Edward. Then we went back to her place and went night swimming. After that we watched The Lovely Bones and stayed up all night complaining about the horrible things in our lives that we could do nothing about, e.g. the Blacks. Ugh.

"I don't even see why I have to have anything to do with any of them. I don't know them, I don't care to see them, so why should I have to be there? They're my parents' friends to entertain, so let them entertain them. It should have nothing to do with me."

"Well, what about Rebecca and Jacob? Who would entertain them?"

"Alice, Rebecca's twenty-one and Jacob's eighteen. They _are_ adults. So the _adults_ can entertain them."

Alice sighed. "There is no changing your mind, is there?"

I crossed my arms. "It would have to be a miracle."

"Well, in that case, let's miraculously go somewhere."

"Where are we gonna go at eleven o'clock?"

"Anywhere. I think we just need to go for a ride. You need an outlet for your PMS and I need a pick-me-up to be able to tolerate much more of it. So let's go to your house and get your laptop or something 'productive'."

"Fine."

Alice told Carlisle and Esme where we were going and she took the keys to her yellow Porsche. We threw the top back and headed out. As we rode, we lowered every window and began talking.

"You know, I don't really understand what your beef is with these people, but it looks like you've got no way out of it. So my advice is to just suck it up and deal. How long until they leave anyway?"

"I think Mom said they'd be leaving Tuesday. They're at the Clearwaters right now."

"Well, don't sweat it. You won't have to deal with them until tomorrow and then after tomorrow, you'll probably never have to see any of them again."

"That brings me relief."

"It should."

We turned down Odyssey and Whatcha Say came on.

"Oh my God, really?" I groaned. "Alice, change it."

"Why? This song is good."

"Ugh. I hate it."

"But isn't this the song you sang in the car with Ed-"

"Yes, yes. That's why I hate it."

We drove on, about two miles from my house. In the distance, familiar headlights came into view. Unfazed, I paid no attention.

"You know, you can be a real drama queen sometimes when it comes to him. It's summertime; get over him already!"

"I am, thank you very much!"

Just then, I spotted a large area of the road a lot darker than the rest. I couldn't tell what it was at first, but then I saw it. Oil.

"Alice…" I said warily.

Alice didn't respond. She continued to sing along with Jason Derulo. The car ahead came closer.

"Alice…"

She still didn't answer as the other car hit the oil spill first. It began skidding and losing control. It headed right for us as it attempted to correct, but it was no use. I knew what was about to happen and I braced myself.

"ALICE!"


	3. Oil Spill

"Hello?"

I woke up to the sound of a familiar voice calling out. I assumed it was the other driver. The voice was muffled and strange to me. I knew it was only me, though. I could feel where I had hit my head. Luckily, I couldn't smell any blood. I opened my eyes and looked around. I was upside down. I was still strapped in my racing harness, I noticed. That was a good sign.

"Hello?" the voice called again. It was becoming clearer and it sounded familiar.

"Bella?" Alice said from beside me in a panicked voice.

"Alice," I moaned, "are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, but what about you?"

"I think I'm okay…"

"I've been calling your name for five minutes and you weren't answering!"

"I hit my head… I was just out. But I'm okay, Alice."

"Can you get out?" I asked her. I knew _I_ couldn't. My foot was lodged somewhere I couldn't tell.

"Yes, I think so. Can you?"

"No. My foot is stuck. We might have to wait until the ambulance gets here. You called 911, right?"

"I tried, but my phone broke in half. It got crushed."

"Brilliant. Okay, you need to get out and find the other driver. They still haven't shut up."

"Okay."

Alice took a few minutes, but she eventually unstrapped herself and crawled out the window. My head began to pound murderously. And my ankle started to throb painfully. It soon became unbearable and I wasn't numb anymore. I fought the urge to cry out. I heard the voices outside the car.

"Alice?"

"Edward, it's Bella. She's trapped."

No fucking way. I couldn't believe this was happening, but I was in so much pain, I didn't care. Edward made his way around to my side of the Porsche. The window was shattered. I closed my eyes involuntarily.

"Bella?" I opened my eyes again to see Edward on the ground next to me.

"Edward..." I whimpered.

"Hey, we're gonna get you out, okay?"

I nodded.

"Okay, if I unstrapped you, would you be able to get out?"

I shook my head. "My foot's trapped."

"Which one?"

"Right."

"Okay…" he turned to Alice. "I'm going in. I'm gonna try and dislodge her foot. Stay with my phone."

"Edward, did you call 911 or the cops?"

"Yes, but I kept getting disconnected. We have a horrible signal for the next mile any direction you go. And if either of us left to try to make a call, something could happen to her. And I need you here so that you can help me help her, okay?"

Alice took a deep breath. "Okay."

"Okay." He turned back to me. "Bella?"

"Hmm?" I responded, nodding off a little bit.

"You can't go to sleep. Can you tell me what hurts?"

"Just my ankle and my head."

"Did you hit your head?"

I nodded.

"How hard?"

"I don't know."

I let my eyes close again and I felt Edward hand feel around the back of my head. He must have been searching for a bump or something. And when he found it, I winced away and moaned in pain.

"Is that it?"

I nodded.

"Okay, well, I don't think you have a concussion or anything, but I really don't wanna wait for something bad to happen before getting you out."

Edward climbed inside and looked up at where my right foot was lodged tightly between the console and the passenger's seat. He started to try to get it out the old fashioned way: pulling. I let out a bloodcurdling cry.

"Bella?" Alice banged on the side of the Porsche. "Edward, what's happening?"

"Okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Edward said, rubbing my arm to comfort me. "I might need to get some tools out of the Volvo and disassemble the console."

"How long will that take?" I whimpered.

"Only few minutes. I'll be right back."

Edward crawled back out of the car and left for a few seconds, I assumed to retrieve his tools. When he came back, he took a few minutes to take the console apart and gently removed my foot from its twisted position.

"Can you move it?" he asked.

"Maybe now that it's not twisted up…" I tried to move it and winced. It hurt a little, but at least it was now bearable.

"Okay, good. You're not screaming like a banshee," he chuckled.

"Shut up."

"Okay, I'm gonna undo your harness and you're gonna fall, but I'll catch you, alright?"

"Okay."

Edward unhooked my racing harness and I did as he said I would. I fell right on top of him. I winced in pain again and Edward helped me out of the totaled Porsche. He lifted me up and set me against the car. Alice stood next to me and we waited for Edward to say anything.

"I finally got a hold of the cops. They said they were on their way." He looked at me. "I told them no one was hurt."

"Thank you."

"No problem. Besides, I figured after that nice little trip to the nurse's office back in January, you'd shoot me if I dared rode with you to the emergency room."

"You would be right about that."

"So," he said, smiling. "would you look at this. Alice Brandon and Bella Swan… stranded in the middle of the road in their bikinis. Bella, I have to admit… I never thought I'd have the pleasure."

"And you don't now. And I suggest you start thinking with your head instead of your dick because, in case you haven't noticed, we have just been in a car accident. I don't think our parents are going to be very happy about this either. I know mine won't be."

"Bella, it was an oil spill in the middle to the road. It wasn't anybody's fault."

"Who cares? It still causes a lot of problems that I don't wanna have to deal with."

"Well, there's no way out now. And whaddya mean 'stop thinking with my dick'?"

"You know exactly what I mean!"

"Okay, guys," Alice cut in, "I really don't think this is the time or place."

I rolled my eyes and kept my mouth shut. She was right. But there was one thing I was sure of. After tonight, I had had my fill. After tonight, I had no desire to see Edward Cullen again.


	4. Fling

I dreaded going home after church on Sunday. I hated having company that wasn't there especially for me. It made feel like a painting. I was there to be seen and not heard. Stand still, look pretty. It sucked royal ass. So after eating lunch and putting more comfortable clothes on, I plopped down on the couch next to Charlie.

"So what's the plan?" I asked in monotone.

"I just got off the phone with Billy. We've been invited over to Harry's and he said you and Ben are welcome to bring your swimsuits and swim in the pool."

"Ugh. Are we going to Gran's after?"

"Yeah, we'll probably go over there to eat dinner after we spend a couple of hours with the Blacks, okay?"

I just stared at him.

"You're going whether you like it or not," he said sternly.

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever."

"Will you be swimming?"

"No."

Like hell if I was gonna go swimming and then sit at Gran's for dinner in a wet swimsuit. I didn't plan on staying at the Clearwaters' for any longer than I had to. So when we got there, we walked through the garage door. Jacob was the first person I saw when I walked in. I had to admit he was attractive. Even more so than the photo on my fridge. I quickly looked away as I made my way through the living room, giving hugs on the way, to the sofa across the room from where Jacob sat.

Leah came downstairs with Heather Weber, my most difficult Weber child. They were best friends and it made me feel better to know that I at least knew _this_ child, which was pretty sad. Heather planted herself in the floor in front of me and I spent two hours playing absentmindedly with her hair.

"So what about you, Bella?"

I looked up from Heather's hair to see Laura Black staring at me.

"What?"

"Do you have any hobbies?"

"I write," I said shortly. What could I say? I was on my fucking period. I had no patience.

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

I grimaced. "No."

Laura smiled and giggled at my reaction. I glanced over in Jacob's direction and caught him looking at me. I quickly looked away and continued to play with Heather's hair as if nothing had been said. After a little while longer, Leah and Heather left to go swimming with Ben, leaving me awkwardly behind. Then Laura and Renee started to discuss Jacob's graduation, asking him questions every once in awhile. Then he turned to me.

"So how many kids are in your class?"

I was taken aback by his sudden question. "Umm… I honestly have no clue. I'd say around five around, give or take a few." **(A/N: I know Forks is a small town, but let's use our imagination)**

He nodded in interest.

At that point, all the women started to migrate to other parts of the house. So I took it upon myself to take a bathroom break.

When I came out, everyone had left the living room. The women were in the den with the new furniture: a brand new sectional sofa. Its parts were all separated in random places of the small room. I instinctively chose to linger in the kitchen where Harry Clearwater was preparing hamburgers and hotdogs. Billy, Jacob, and Sam Uley all stood around as well.

"So what grade is Ben gonna be in?" Harry asked me.

"He'll be a freshman."

"Cool, high school."

"Not really."

"Why not."

"Because once he gets there, I'll be there a lot less."

"And why is that?"

I leaned in close to Harry's face from behind the counter.

"He is the person I know with the greatest tendency to get picked on. He won't defend himself, so someone's gotta make heads roll. And it's gonna be me because I'm the only one with the heart to do it."

"Damn, girl…"

I smirked. And then I sort of tuned out as Harry and Jacob started talking about how Jacob had been sent to A-school several times throughout his senior year. Then I was jostled out of my own little world by another question from Jacob.

"Do you have an A-school around here?" he asked.

"Umm… no." Like hell if I even knew what A-school was.

"Wait, isn't that Whitlock's?" Harry asked, turning to me.

Whitlock's. Whitlock's Alternative School. That's probably what A stood for. I took a second look at Jacob. So I was getting friendly with a delinquent. Classy.

"Oh, yeah! Yeah, we've got one of those around. I've never been sent there though."

"Yeah, well, I have."

"What for?" I asked.

"Getting into fights."

I raised an eyebrow. Just then, Billy chimed in.

"Are you guys talking about A-school?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"Yeah, I noticed that, the first time Jake ever got sent there, his grades would come up significantly. So I told him, 'Son, just go to school today, pick out some kid you just can't stand, and just beat the shit out of him. And rack up as many days in A-school as you can get.' Depending on how many days he gets, depends on how much I pay him!"

Then all the guys roared in laughter. I smiled, rolled my eyes, and left, feeling Jacob's eyes on me as I walked. I meandered to the den where Charlie was kicked back on the new sofa. I sat down next to him and lowered my voice so that no one else could hear.

"When are we getting out of here? I'm starving."

"I know, me too. But just chill. Harry's working on the burgers."

My patience was beginning to leave me. "What do you mean? What about Gran's?"

"We're not going. We're staying here."

"You have got to be kidding me…"

"Nope."

"Well, then at least let me run home and get my bathing suit. Since I'm stuck here, I might as well swim."

"Why didn't you bring it in the first place?"

"'Cause I was under the impression that we were going to Gran's at about… now. Not staying here all night!"

"Okay, fine. Do you have your license?"

"Always."

"Then go for it. And if you would," he said, "stop by Exxon on your way back and pick me up a Mountain Dew."

"Sure."

I took the money and Charlie's keys and left. I went straight home and undressed, replacing my clothes with a one-piece swimsuit and a long beach skirt. I slipped on my flip flops and left again, removing my jewelry except for my toe ring. I made my way back to the Clearwaters', stopping by Exxon on the way. When I got there, everyone eighteen and younger was in the pool. Leah, Heather, and Jacob were all playing around, swimming, and just having a good time. Ben, I noticed, was inside with my mom and dad. I looked at Jacob, Leah, and Heather in the pool briefly before deciding to check on my brother. Jacob's eye caught my mine as I walked inside.

"What's wrong with him?" I asked, gesturing to Ben. "Why isn't he swimming?"

"He had an asthma attack in the pool. Jake pulled him out."

I nodded, still in shock at hearing that. "Okay, well, I'm going out…"

"Okay," Renee said, "Ben's probably not gonna be back out there. We're just gonna keep him inside with us."

"Alright…"

"Oh, and the food's almost ready, so we'll call you guys in a little bit."

I nodded again and went out. I placed my towel, phone, flip flops, and beach skirt on a chair under the patio and looked at the others before approaching the pool. Leah and Heather looked content. I smiled and got in the pool next to the girls. Heather smiled and threw herself on me, wrapping her arms around my neck and clinging to me like a leech. I hugged her back.

"I'm so glad you came back! Now we have more people!"

I laughed. "Yeah?"

"Yeah! Wade with us!"

"Heather, I _know_ you know how to swim."

"So? Besides, Jacob will dunk us if we go too deep," Leah giggled.

"Oh, really? Well, I guess I will have to wade with you then," I said, tickling them and causing them to shy away.

I spent about ten minutes facing the shallow end, keeping my eye on the girls. But then they started looking behind me with weird looks. I stared at them.

"What is it? Why are you looking like that?"

"He's such a show-off," Leah said, rolling her eyes.

"Who? Jacob? I asked, turning around just in time to see Jacob take a run and dive into the pool as close as he possibly to where I was. I ended up drenched… though I probably would have anyway. I wiped the running mascara from my eyes and looked at Leah and Heather, who looked back at me with that "I told you so" look. I rolled my eyes.

"Don't even start," I said sourly.

I spent the next twenty minutes watching Jacob do admittedly impressive dives into the water. Every time he went under, I'd glance over at the girls and they would give me the same look.

"He is so showing off for you," Leah said.

"Yeah," Heather added, "he totally likes you."

"Okay, seriously," I said murderously, "stop it. He does not."

My patience was quickly slipping. The empty words and broken promises of one day capturing Edward's love echoed in my head, increasing my anger. I didn't trust anyone when it came to matters of romantic interest. They had all been wrong before. So I didn't believe one word of what they were telling me about Jacob. As far as I was concerned, it was all lies.

Just then, Laura Black walked outside onto the back porch and called us in for dinner. We all got out of the pool, dried off as best we could, and went inside to serve ourselves. I prepared myself a cheeseburger and glanced over at a foreign food sitting next to the coleslaw.

"Oh, that's fried mashed potatoes," Laura told me as she walked by.

"Yeah," Jacob added, "you should try some. They're very good."

I didn't understand why, but I had no intention of serving myself fried mashed potatoes up until Jacob suggested it. _Oh shit,_ I thought. _Here we go…_

I sat down at the end of the table, opposite of where Jacob sat. Leah and Heather took their spots along the side between us. I looked up to see Jacob watching me.

"So what kind of meat have you ever eaten?" he asked me.

My eyes flickered to the cheeseburger in my hands.

"Deer?" he asked.

"No."

"Oh, you would love it. Whenever you'd go out, you'd be like, 'Forget the steak, just give me some deer meat'." He laughed. "Squirrel?"

"Nope."

"Rabbit?"

"No."

"Bear?"

"No."

"Possum?"

"Road kill?"

"Yes."

"No."

"I'm just kidding. I've never had possum either," he grinned.

"I would hope not."

"Well, have you eaten anything besides the obvious?"

"Nope. I know, I'm deprived," I smiled.

Then suddenly, Heather sighed. "How long will we have to wait before we can go back into the pool?"

"Right now, if you want. If you ask me, that's the most BS rule I've ever heard."

"What is?" Jacob asked, looking up at me.

"Not going swimming until an hour after you eat."

"I thought it was thirty minutes."

"Well, regardless of what it really is, it looks like we're leaving no time at all," I smiled, getting up to throw my plate away. When I turned back around, the girls were already running out the door. Jacob waited for me. As I approached, he opened the door and allowed me to go before him.

"Thank you," I smiled again, taken aback by his gentlemanly disposition. I was growing more impressed with every passing minute.

He followed me into the pool and we started playing with water guns. Jacob sprayed me more than Leah or Heather or Rebecca, when she came out. At that point, I knew in the back of my mind what would happen before the night was over. I could feel it. But it all depended on Jacob's true shyness. And at this point in the night, I could tell that he was getting really comfortable with being himself around me. And I liked that.

Water guns turned into Monkey in the Middle and Monkey in the Middle turned into Marco Polo. Heather eventually dropped out, leaving me, Leah, and Jacob on our own. While we played, I noticed that Jacob came after me when he was it more often than he went after Leah. But he didn't fail to go after her every once in awhile, obviously to cover up his now conspicuous interest in me. But I wasn't about to get my hopes up. He was probably playing me, teasing me into thinking that he could possibly like me. At my school, I wasn't considered attractive to the opposite sex. I hadn't had a real boyfriend with anyone within campus. Jack had been cheating on me for our entire relationship. He had used me for his emotional needs and left his physical desires for the other girl, who turned out to be one hot piece of ass. Just right for him. Eric Yorkie loved anything with lady parts, James had only tried to get into my pants because he had been a sex addict who wasn't able to get it from anyone else, so he tried me. That, it turned out, was why he had left me at the Bronze back in November. He didn't even think I was _decent_-looking. Edward made his distaste for me very clear and then there was Mike. Mike was a nice guy and_ I _would have given him a chance, but honestly, he would have been lucky to get _any_ girl. That's how I knew that I wasn't high up on the totem pole. In fact, I was very low. So I was having trouble trusting Jacob's sincerity.

"So what kind of music do you like?" he asked me as he dodged poor Leah's grasp.

"Everything."

"Everything?"

"Everything… except country."

"Aww man!"

"Okay, okay," I admitted, "I listen to a _little bit_ of country."

"Good. Do you have a Facebook?"

"Who doesn't?"

"You should add me."

I raised an eyebrow. "Maybe _you_ should add _me_."

He shook his head. "I don't add people. They add _me_."

"Well, I don't add people; they add _me_."

He shrugged in a cocky manner. "Whatever. I'll probably never see you again anyway, so…"

I knew he was working me. And he knew I was falling for it.

"Okay, fine," I said as Leah finally tagged him. "If you can catch me in this last round of Marco Polo within two minutes, I'll add you. If you can't, you have to add me."

"Deal."

I lost within the first ten seconds. Jacob grabbed my bad ankle out from under me and pulled me to him, moving his hand up my leg. I let him get to my lower thigh before I wriggled out of his grasp. I stood up in front of him, face to face. He slowly took my hand in his and intertwined his fingers in mine. I looked into his eyes.

"I guess I'm adding you," I said.

He grinned sexily. "Just like the others."

I smirked at his cockiness and slipped my hand out of his, ducked under the water, kicked off the wall, and sent myself away from him. He followed me and I felt his hand go up my leg again. I was slowly growing more comfortable. I let him do this as he both emerged from the surface. He stood behind me with his hands on my waist. Then slowly, I felt his hand trail down the front of my bathing suit. He began sticking his fingers into the bottom front of my swimsuit. I knew where this was heading and immediately separated myself from him. I only looked at him, no particular warning in my face, so I knew I deserved it the next four times he tried again. But each time, I responded the same way: moved away and only looked at him, almost no emotion on my face.

Then when Leah went inside and the only person left in the pool was Heather and Jacob and me, he took my hand again under the water. And this time, I didn't let go. We didn't let go. Instead, we hovered over Heather, who stared back at us. I could tell by the look in her eyes that she knew everything. She knew everything about me and Jacob… past, present, and future. I could see it in her.

Then the adults turned around from the patio and ordered us out of the pool. It was pushing 9:45, so I didn't see what the big deal was. But we did as we were told. I pulled my towel around my waist and held it in place. Jake wordlessly went inside and I automatically knew to go through the back gate to the driveway out front. And sure enough, Jacob was standing there waiting for me. He opened his arms and, no matter how much I knew it was coming, I was still shocked by what happened next. I entered his embrace and his lips met mine. The butterflies in my stomach let loose and I couldn't take it. Our kissing escalated to making out.

I had to break away quickly and run to my car, grab a bottled water, chug it, and run back up to him. But he had followed me. When I shut the car door, he was leaning casually against his own car. He gestured me to come to him. I did as I was told and we started kissing again. My towel fell down, but I didn't care. At least, not until I could feel his fingers playing with the edges of the bottom of my swimsuit again. This time, I pulled away and took his hand away from my body.

"Look, Jake… this might change your mind, but… I'm not like that."

"What?"

"I'm kinda… sorta… abstinent."

"Abstinent?" He said it like he didn't even know what the word meant.

"Yeah…"

"But you just kissed me."

"Yeah, and I'll kiss you all you want. But I won't have sex with you."

He seemed to accept that. "Okay," he said, pulling me into more kissing. I could feel our pelvises grinding together in our closeness, but I was willing to let it slide. But after a few more seconds, I began to panic a little. I pulled away and looked around the corner of the car.

"What?" Jacob asked.

"I'm sorry, I'm just a little paranoid," I laughed.

He smiled and grabbed my hand. "Did you get to hear much about our cruise?"

"Very little," I admitted. "I got a bit distracted."

"Well, Rebecca and I both got so smashed. She even started pole-dancing!" he laughed. "That's about when I threw my arms up and walked away."

I giggled. I knew Jacob was allowed to drink as long as Laura and Billy supervised him, since he was technically under drinking age. It didn't bother me that he and his sister had gotten completely wasted. After all, they were on a cruise. A lot of shit happens on cruises when you're a young, eighteen-year-old guy. And I had been watching him all evening. He had drank a single drop, so I knew he wasn't too buzzed to see me for who I was. Then the porch light came on and the front door open, and I impulsively ran around behind the Blacks' car.

"Jacob!" Laura called from the doorway.

Jake hesitated. "Yeah?" he called back, surrendering into the light of the porch.

"Where's Bella?"

"She's right here. We're talking about the cruise."

_Uh-oh…_ I came out from behind the car and gave Laura a small smile and wave. Then she disappeared back into the house, but the door never closed.

_"They're both out here talking!"_

_Oh God, Laura,_ I thought. _Shut up_, please! But it was too late. And sure enough, one by one, every parent filed out of the house starting with Billy. Before we knew it, we were surrounded by parents to the point where there was no way we could do anything. Then Laura approached me.

"Do you know how to invite an ant to your party?"

I blinked. "Come again?"

"Do you know how to invite an ant to your party?" she repeated.

"No…"

Then she got down on her hands and knees in the middle of the driveway right in front of me and started yelling at the ground. "HELLO, ANTS! DO YOU WANT TO COME TO MY PARTY?"

I was speechless. I stared at her for a long time before slowly turning to Jacob and raising an eyebrow. He pinched the bridge of his nose and breathed deeply. I leaned into him as the other parents began howling with laughter.

"How much did she have to drink?" I asked him quietly.

"That's the kicker," he sighed. "Not one damn drop."

I took a deep breath and slowly turned back to the show.

"Hey," he said.

I looked at him.

"You have texting, right?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Okay," he said, opening his phone, "let's hear it."

I gave him my number and he gave me his. I made a mental note to take my precious time with adding him on Facebook since he had been so cocky about it. Then closed my phone, hugged him, and got in the car to leave. On our way home, I had to ride with my head hanging out the window like a sick dog. But then when we drove by Edward's neighborhood, my head shot up.

"I AM SO OVER YOU!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. Renee almost peed herself and Ben just looked at me, wheezing at my display. From the rearview mirror, I could see a pleased smile playing on Charlie's lips. I was on Cloud 9 and no one could change that. I had never had such a feeling explode inside me. And it was at that moment that I realized… I had never really loved Edward. That was nothing compared to how I felt about Jake. And I had barely known him for six hours. I knew I wasn't in love with him, but it made me realize that I had been nowhere close to that with Edward. This was so much better.

When I got home, I lingered in the kitchen with Renee. I knew I had to tell her that Jake and I had kissed. But I didn't want Charlie to hear. It may be too much for him knowing that Jacob had kissed me. Jake was a boy Charlie _knew_. The last guy he had actually known was James and we all remember how that turned out. So I grabbed the shopping list and began to write the truth.

"Need something from the store?" Renee asked, carrying in a laundry basket.

"Yeah…"

"What all do you need?"

"Not much…" I said as I wrote.

_He kissed me tonight. Don't tell Dad til you go to bed. __PLEASE__._

Renee looked at the note and then up at me. She wore a million dollar smile. I smiled back.

"Oh, yeah. I'll be sure to pick this up for you tomorrow," she said, winking at me and disappearing to shred the evidence.

I escaped to my room where Jake immediately began to text me.

_J: "what up"_

_B: "exhausted as hell. You?"_

_J: "same. What r u doing?"_

_B: "abt to get in the shower"_

_J: "and ur texting? Bad idea…"_

_B: "na ive done it b4 it always lives"_

_J: "you think that now lol"_

_B: "well im out now and its still dry :P"_

_J: "so what made u make the decision not to have sex?"_

_B: "Why?"_

_J: "jw i mean idk many girls who are like that and i was just curious"_

Oh shit! How the fuck do I answer that? Okay, I'm saving myself for marriage or I don't want babies. Those were my choices. Both true, one more understandable than the other. And I wanted to give him the reason that he'd understand the most. I knew I was taking a long time answering and Jake helped me remember that.

_J: "you dont have to tell me if you dont want to. i know its none of my business anyway"_

Then he sent another immediately after that.

_J: "And I completely agree with it. i think you made the right choice. i wish i had made it"_

Oh wow. So Jake wasn't a virgin. I could tell that he had kissed a _lot_ of other girls before just because of the way he kissed _me_. But I should've known that he had had sex before by the way he tried to get in my swimsuit while we were in the pool. The way he had moved and touched me so intimately, I should have known that he knew _exactly _what to do. So I settled on an excuse.

_B: "I just dont want babies. And knowing my luck, i'd be one of the ones who got pregnant"_

_J: "ya... i know a girl who just got pregnant. shes 15"_

_B: "thats sux for her. being a teen mom isnt easy"_

_J: "I want you to come see me tomarrow"_

_B: "I wish I could but I cant. Both my rents have work tmrw and my cars out of gas :("_

_J: "that sux"_

_B: "I know but don't worry I think I overheard my rents sayin sumthng abt us all getting together tmrw"_

_J: "well hopefully we will"_

_B: "I know I hope so too"_

_J: "well ima go to bed lol"_

_B: "ok goodnight"_

_It's a wonder that I fell asleep that night. The butterflies were unbearable. There were those guys that caused butterflies, but Jake made so many and they were so big that they made me want to vomit… I couldn't get enough, yet I could hardly stand it if he wasn't with me. There were those guys that made your heart skip a beat, but just the thought of Jake made my heart stop and I couldn't breathe. He was too much for my heart to handle. I guess that was why knowing that he would only be in Forks for one more day brought me relief._


	5. Make It Count

I woke up at eleven the next morning to my phone going off. It was another text from Jacob.

_J: "What up"_

_ B: "just woke up"_

_ J: "same here"_

I decided not to answer. I could have kept the conversation going, but I decided to make him chase after me a little bit. And it worked.

_J: "so im bored as hell"_

_ B: "me too"_

_ J: "im coming to see you"_

_ B: *wtf?* "how? Ur rents just let you take the car whenever?"_

_ J: "most of the time. But I'd have to like and say im goin to the gas station or sumthng"_

_ B: "say ur goin to the thrift store instead. Its past my house from where u r and you can stay longer"_

_ J: "ok I'll try"_

_ B: "why do I get the feeling we wont b able to pull this off lol"_

_ J: "you don't know me very well"_

_ B: "got me there. I just met you yesterday"_

_ J: "ya well im slick like that"_

_ B: "rly?"_

_ J: "yup. And ima tell you something interesting abt me"_

_ B: "what?"_

_ J: "im the coolest guy you will ever meet lol"_

_ B: "my what an ego haha and ur sure abt that?"_

_ J: "lol na I suck"_

_ B: "now I know ur not bein serious"_

_ J: "ya well ima try to get outta here"_

_ B: "do you even know where I live?"_

_ J: "no but you do"_

_ B: "ok well lets wait and see if you can get out alone first"_

But I never heard back from him. It went from 11:40 to 3:30 and, by then, I was in tears. My biggest fear was that Leah had been snooping through Jake's phone and read our text messages. She might have seen our plans and told Laura or Billy. Then he would've gotten in trouble and his phone taken away. I feared for him. So I called Renee while she was at work with Ben right next to me. But at that point, I didn't care.

"Hello?" she said from the other line.

"Mom," I whimpered.

"Bella? What's wrong, honey?"

And I proceeded to spill everything to her. I told her that I only planned to have Jake meet me at Charlie's warehouse so that we could hang out for a few minutes before he was expected back home. She was silent for a few seconds.

"Bella… if Jake got in trouble… one, I would have gotten a call from Laura. Second, he wouldn't have been in trouble for this scheme. _You_ would. And that's assuming that I even thought this was a real offense even if he _did_ go to the house without me or your father knowing, which I don't. Don't worry about the plan and don't worry about Jacob. He probably just left his phone downstairs. Okay?"

"Okay…" I breathed, glancing over at Ben.

"Okay, well I've gotta get back to work. I love you."

"Love you too."

"Okay, sweetie. Bye."

"Bye."

I hung up my cell and looked at Ben, who was staring at me like I had a dick growing out of my forehead. "I'm gonna take a bath."

"Whatever. Like I care…"

I rolled my eyes as I left him in the living room and drew a bath in Renee's Jacuzzi tub. I called Alice and had her pick me up a box of Venus Breeze cartridges for my razor. While I waited, I filled the tub with bubble bath and covered myself before she got there. I heard a knock on the door and Ben let Alice in. She let herself into Renee's bathroom and tossed me the cartridges.

"You're my fucking hero," I told her, tearing into the box.

"So…" she said, taking a seat on the edge of the tub, "why?"

"Why what?"

"You know 'why what'. What's with the Venus cartridges? I'm sure your razor handle's acquired cobwebs."

"We'll talk about it later," I told her casually.

"Wait a second…" she said, grabbing my chin and turning my face to her as she looked at my mouth closely. She squinted her eyes. "Are those _whisker_ burns around your mouth?"

"I had an allergic reaction," I said, ripping my face away.

"Bella, I'm not stupid. I think I know the difference between an allergic reaction and whisker burns. You have definitely made out in the last twelve hours."

"Shut up! You don't know my life!"

Alice rolled her eyes. "No more than you, sweetheart."

I froze. "Don't even go there," I seethed.

She threw her arms up. "Okay, I don't know why this is such a touchy subject for you, but honestly, I bet he's better than Edward. I mean, hell, you made the fuck out with him!"

I smiled to myself. Jake was definitely genuine. So I told Alice everything. "And what gets me is that he would run his hands up my legs so gently… Alice, he _caressed_ me! And considering the fact that I'm not considered attractive to 95% of our school's population, guy or girl, I know this is for real! He likes me for _me_! And with that, he _wanted_ to touch me! Alice, I can't even… damn…"

"I'm guessing he was good," she smiled.

"Oh, of course! I was a fucking rookie compared to him!"

"And he sounds respectful, like what he said about you being abstinent and how he held the door open for you and all that…"

"I know," I swooned. "He is perfect! He puts Edward to shame."

"Of course he does! My sick puppy could vomit another dog and it would put Edward to shame! He is the biggest player I have ever met and I dread the day you have to see him again."

"I know," I sighed. "So do I."

"But forget Edward. Instead, tell me about Jacob. You're shaving you're legs and whenever you use Venus, Bella, you always end up shaving above the knee. Do you plan on going… _far_ with him?"

"Al, I told him 'no' because I meant it. But when you're in a swimming pool, the standards change a bit. Like, he's allowed to feel anything that isn't covered by my swimsuit."

"What about your waist?"

"And my waist. Basically, he can touch whatever wouldn't be covered by a bikini. And that includes my _entire_ leg," I told her, lifting my soapy leg into the air.

"Well, be sure to get your under arms."

"I always do."

"So how do you feel about him?"

"I really like him. A lot. I know I only met him 24 hours ago, but I really like him."

Alice sighed. "Look, Bella… I hate that you do this. I truly think that you've found a good guy to have a fling with, but it worries me…"

"What is it that worries you?"

"Your emotions. They land you in bad places. I mean, look at what happened with Edward. You ended up stuck in an emotionally abusive friendship that you couldn't get out of because of how he made you feel during the good moments, which he only created to make you stick around for his own sick, twisted ego boost."

"I know that. And I won't be making that mistake again. So don't worry."

"I'm not worried about Jacob Black being emotionally abusive toward you. I'm worried about you getting your heart broken between now and tomorrow morning when he leave. And that's not supposed to be enough time for you to get too attached to this guy. But knowing you…"

"I may already have," I finished for her.

"And that's what I'm afraid of," she said, putting a hand on my shoulder. "Yes, you're a hard-ass, bad-ass, and downright bitch. But when it comes to matters of the heart, you are the most fragile."

"Well, that's just something I'm gonna have to deal with, isn't it? I mean, I knew there would be more guys after Edward and that that would bring more pain, but I didn't think it would be so soon. I mean, hell, it's only the beginning of the second week of summer!"

"What are you saying, Bella? That the pain is already here?"

"I'm not talking about that kind of pain. I mean, Alice… you've heard about the guys that are classified as perfection in a girl's heart, right? You know, they create butterflies in your stomach and they make your heart skip a beat…"

"Yeah…"

"Well, Jacob creates butterflies, but there are a million of them. And each one is twice my size. Now imagine having that many butterflies of that size in my stomach, flapping their massive wings as many times per second as a hummingbird. It's _killing_ me. And the only time it's calm is when I'm with him or I'm talking to him. And then there's my heart. He doesn't make it skip a beat. My heart stops all together and I can't breathe. Alice, he _exceeds_ perfection for me! He's too much!"

"Oh, honey… what about when he kisses you?"

"I still get the butterflies. But they're perfect. And my heart doesn't stop. It really _does _skip a beat. When we're kissing, he _is_ perfection."

Alice smiled. "Well, he sounds perfect. He respects you, he's nice to you, he's everything you need… minus the attempt to get into your swimsuit, but… what can you say? He was raised a little different. And despite that, they are the nicest people this planet has ever seen."

"They are, aren't they?" I smiled.

"I think they are. And are you happy?"

"Yes. But he leaves tomorrow."

"And how do you feel about that?"

"Maybe I'll be able to eat again. And breathe… and sleep…"

"All I can say is… you have tonight. And that's it. Make it count."

Alice leaned down and kissed my forehead before leaving the bathroom and going home. I proceeded with shaving my legs and under arms, preparing myself for our get-together with the Clearwaters and the Blacks tonight. Renee called and told me to make sure the floors were mopped before everyone got there. Then after the Blacks got a tour of the house, we would go to Loredo's for dinner.

Then, at last, Jacob finally texted me back.

_J: "no I didn't get in trouble"_

_B: "but im guessing u couldn't pulling it off haha"_

_J: "no dad wanted to come w me to walmart. So I ended up goin to walmart w him and leah"_

_B: "haha how did that go?"_

_J: "it sucked. I didn't even have to go :("_

_B: "well don't worry abt it. Mom told me we were getting 2gether tonite"_

_J: "r u for sure?"_

_B: "yes. She said you guys were all comin over here and then goin to Loredo's"_

_J: "ok great"_

Then I got ready for the Blacks to arrive. For the first time this summer, I straightened my hair and did my make-up strategically. I ripped down all my General Hospital, Harry Potter, and Twilight posters from my walls and door as I heard the door open and Renee's "company voice" ring out throughout the house. I snuck into Ben's room where Leah and Heather had already gathered. I felt safe there.

"How many nights are you spending with Leah?" I asked Heather, pulling her into a hug.

"Tonight's my last night. When I wake up in the morning, the Blacks will be gone."

"Yeah…" I whispered.

I heard the boyish footsteps making their way down the hall and with one eye, looked out the doorway. When Jacob came into view, my face lit up. I smiled at him lightly to keep the secret. No one other than the two of us was supposed to know. So he came in and immediately started up a conversation, mostly with me, but looked at the others every once in awhile to be more discreet about his true interest. I could see that Heather knew exactly what was going on. So did Ben, but he couldn't care less. Leah was the only one who completely clueless.

Ben even offered up his laptop so that Jake could check his Facebook. He set the computer on the bed and kneeled down on the floor in front of it. As I sat on the edge of the bed and watched him, I found myself entranced by Jacob Black. He set his arm on my leg as he kneeled there. No one else in the room noticed, which made me smile to myself. After Rebecca and Laura got their tour around the house, we got a call from the Clearwaters saying that they would just meet as at Loredo's since Harry had come home late from work.

We all rode down there separately and Jake continued to text me. While at dinner, however, we had to put up a front seeing as how we didn't want anyone knowing what was going on, although I knew that every single person there (with the exception of Leah, of course) knew everything. I listened to Jake tell Leah about all the different girls he was texting, which bothered me a little, but I had my heart set on the idea that it was a front. Then Leah openly accused him of liking me, which he denied quietly so that I couldn't hear… even though I did. But I didn't sweat it. After all, he had kissed me. No, scratch that. He _made out_ with me. Again, with the front.

I could barely eat at all. I craved Jake, not my taco salad. I wanted to walk out with him and find a good make-out spot somewhere on the square. But I knew that wasn't an option. There was no escape.

"Jake," Leah asked, "are you gonna go swimming with me and Becca tonight?"

"No. I've had enough of that pool," he grimaced.

"Then I'll gladly take his place," I spoke up. I glanced at Jake, who looked back. I had him right where I wanted him.

"Okay, I'll go ask my dad." And Leah got up to ask her father if I could come over. It was wrong and improper, but when it had anything to do with Jake, I really didn't give a fuck. When she came back, she was smiling. A very good sign.

"You just have to ask your parents," she said.

I wasn't in any hurry. I would stretch this out as long as I could. The longer I made Jacob squirm, the more I knew he'd want me when I came over. Yeah, he had said he didn't want to swim, but now that he knew I was coming, he wouldn't be able to stay away.

"Man," I sighed. "I really wanna go swimming."

"Well," Jake said lowly, nudging me, "go ask your parents if you can come over."

He continued to pressure me until we left. When I got my parents alone, I asked. But then they decided to drag out their answer as long as possible, making _me_ squirm. But like I knew they would, they said yes and we went home to change into our swimsuits. I pulled on my blue flowered one-piece and my long black beach skirt again. Renee drove me to the Clearwaters and I went straight through the back gate. I walked in just as Jake was diving in. I looked at him and the girls playing, smiled, and went inside. I figured he could last a little longer. So I took my time in the bathroom and then went back out.

I stepped into the pool and we immediately started another game of Marco Polo. Several times, when Leah was It, Jake would come close to me and stroke my leg. His hand moved higher and higher and it felt good. It was the most amazing feeling ever. And I didn't want it to end. But I knew I couldn't let it go too far. And he reminded of that fact when I felt his fingers enter the bottom of my swimsuit once again. But this time, I didn't know how to stop him right away. However, it hit me like a ton of bricks when his fingers had made their way through folds, on their way to the prize. Without missing a beat, I moved away quickly and went behind him. I took his shoulders and whispered in his ear, "You know better."

He turned around and looked me straight in the eyes. "Nope. I never learn." Then he grinned at me like a little boy who had just been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

I rolled my eyes and chose to distance myself from him for awhile. I was starting to get scared. Of him. It was frightening me the way he had done what he did. I soon realized that maybe I hadn't been clear on how far I'd go when I told him that I wouldn't have sex with him. Then I immediately regretted telling him that it was because I didn't want babies. I guess he figured if he fingered me instead, we could both get some satisfaction without the risk. But what he didn't know was that that wasn't okay with me either.

I eventually let myself get close to Jake again and he continued to caress my legs. But of course, he began fingering the bottom edges of my bathing suit again and I had to look at him again.

"Please," I said, "don't make me hate you."

And I think that was all it took. Jake swam away from me after that, but he didn't stay away long. I lingered in our corner, feeling a little sick over everything. I hoped and prayed that Jake wouldn't turn out to be like James. That would be the worst thing. But luckily, he came back… and then started running his fingers along the bottom edges again. I looked up at him and raised my eyebrows.

"Jake…" I said warningly.

He smiled. "I'm not. I was just pretending. I'm not gonna do it again, I promise."

Most girls wouldn't have believed that. But I did. And that was because when he said the words, I felt peaceful and calm. I knew I had nothing to worry about. And I didn't. He never did try it again.

By ten o'clock, everyone had gone inside. Everyone. The parents, Rebecca, Leah, Heather, everyone was in the house. Leaving me and Jake in the pool alone. We moved to our corner and he laced his fingers in mine, pulling me to him. The next thing I knew, we were kissing again. After a few seconds, he pulled me closer to him and I wrapped my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck. I pulled my face away, but still held onto him. I leaned the side of my head against his and closed my eyes for a second or two, taking a deep breath. I was starting to hate this. I hated that he had to leave. This was his last night and we owned it. It belonged to us. It hurt that I wouldn't get to see him every day, but I knew it was how it had to be. I could accept that.

So we started kissing again, taking advantage of the alone time that we had been waiting 24 hours for. I felt his hands running along the curves of my body and up my legs. I wanted to let loose. It felt like my first time engaging in true intimacy. It felt like everything, every touch I had ever had, with Jack and Edward combined was nothing compared to this. As of that moment, it was as if everything that had ever happened with either of them had never existed. And that was the best thing.

Jacob let go of me and swam to the stairs without a word. He got out, grabbed my beach skirt, and set it down with my flip flops, cell phone, and towel on the patio. I could tell he wanted me to get out too. I had him bring me my towel as I got out of the pool. He handed it to me and went back to the patio as I stayed there and dried off. I wrapped the towel around me and walked to where Jake was standing. He didn't hesitate to grab me and kiss me again. I kissed him back, following his lead. After a few seconds, he let me go and sat down on the bench right behind him.

"So have you ever been past kissing with a guy?"

"No," I told him, though I had a feeling he wouldn't believe me.

"Seriously?" he asked, astonished.

"Yup. I have never been past kissing with a guy. And I have to tell you, you got pretty damn lucky in there," I said, gesturing to the pool.

"Yeah," he said, smiling lightly, "I guess I did."

I couldn't help myself. I immediately grabbed his face and kissed him urgently. I kept it up for almost a minute. I could feel the edges of my lips starting to burn from Jake's facial hair. And it felt so good. When I pulled away, I stood up.

"Damn, you don't give a fuck anymore, do you?"

I stopped dead in my tracks at his words. I knew they were true. I paused before sitting back down.

"Well, you leave tomorrow," I said casually, though the actual words cut me as I spoke hem.

"Yeah…" he said quietly. He almost sounded sad, bummed by this fact. I guess it was safe say that he wasn't happy about leaving either. I could feel myself growing sadder and sadder and I didn't like the fact that this was our last night together. So I made a mental promise to not leave the Clearwaters' with any regrets or questions about what "might have been". So with that, I kissed him again, with a little more urgency this time. He kissed me back with just as much. I wasn't putting everything I had into it and I could tell that he wasn't either. It felt like there was a barrier.

That fucking glass wall was back. And I hated that. I didn't want that glass wall to separate me and Jake the way it had me and Edward. I could remember the feeling of being so close. You know, so close that when he put his hand up to the glass, I could put mine up against it and feel the heat radiating from him. But I could never break through. And now I could feel _this_ glass wall holding us back from letting the fire explode from inside us. I could feel the unidentifiable need growing with every kiss as our lips moved in sync. But that barrier stopped us from letting loose.

Jake pulled away as he sighed heavily and stood up, walking toward the pool. I stood up as well and picked up my beach skirt. I pulled it together and tied it once. But I didn't get a chance to double knot it before I glanced up to see Jake walking toward me with determination and purpose, a burning and ambitious look in his eyes as he grabbed me and kissed me with more urgency than I could have ever imagined. It was derailing, unhinging. He continued to kiss me as hard as he could, wrapping his arms around my waist and reaching up my back to touch my hair. I trailed my hands up his arms to his shoulders as he deepened the kiss. He ran his tongue along the edges of my lips and I followed his lead. And before I knew it, the glass wall was gone. As quickly as it had come, it had been shattered. We had conquered it.

When we stopped kissing, we stood there for a moment before Jake walked past me and sat back down on the bench. I had to retie my beach skirt and double knot it this time. When I turned around, Heather stuck her head out the door with her hand covering her eyes.

"Bella, your mom said it's about time to go!" I smiled as she shot back into the house. Then I looked at the window a few feet away to see Leah's nose pressed against the glass, searching for anything to spy on. We had only minutes left, so I bit my lip and made my decision: make it count.

I walked up to where Jacob was sitting, bent down, took his face in my hands, and kissed him as hard as I could. I wasn't holding back anymore. These were our final minutes. But I knew I had to be careful not to let things go too far. I kissed him with urgency and moved my arms around his neck. I held onto him tightly as his hands lingered on my waist. I stopped kissing him for a few seconds and closed my eyes. But Jake didn't stop kissing me. He kissed my cheek and moved to my neck. _Holy shit_, I thought. _My spot…_

I resisted the urge to moan as he kissed my neck gently. The prickle of his facial hair blurred my vision and threatened to push me over the edge altogether. I pulled back and kissed him again before lifting up slightly. But again, Jake didn't stop. He pressed his lips to my cleavage and kissed my breasts. He pulled away and his hands moved from my waist to my breasts. That was when I knew it was time to go. I pulled myself away from Jake's grasp, smiled, shook my head, and let him follow me inside.

When we walked into the house, all heads turned to us. There were smiles on all their faces. I internally hoped and prayed that there were no marks on my neck or chest that they would notice. I wasn't at all worried about it looking like Jacob had tried to suck my _mouth_ off because I knew that everyone, Leah included, now knew what was going on. It wouldn't shock them. But luckily, I received no notion that any of them had spotted anything unusual. So up until we left, we all did some talking and I let Jake convince me to do this skit with Billy, Leah, and Rebecca that I didn't know. Even though I was into theatre, I wasn't into doing things that made me look like an idiot in front of a guy I liked. So there was no way I was gonna do it in front of Jake.

When I dropped out and Laura took my place, Jake took her digital camera and asked me to make a funny face. I almost did, but then I realized that I didn't want Jacob taking home a photo of me looking like a freakin' idiot. So I smiled instead. He teased me and told me that it was the equivalent to making myself look dumb anyway. Then Laura took a picture of me and Jake together, Then Jake took one of us on his phone and Renee took one of us on my phone. Then the inevitable happened. We said goodbye for the last time and I left with Renee.

I drove home against Renee's wishes. I was speeding, but I felt good. Everything was right in the world. I was scream-singing to Rihanna with the windows rolled down and Renee just sat there, watching me. When the song was over, she turned the radio down and turned to me.

"Bella, are you okay?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"Well, you do realize that you'll probably never see him again, don't you?"

"Yes, of course I do. And I'm kinda relieved that he's leaving."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I mean, it takes a lot of the pressure off. And maybe I'll be able to eat again. And breathe."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, the butterflies have made me lose, like, ten pounds in the last 24 hours and the heart-stopping thing is a bit annoying."

"Then I guess him leaving is… a good thing?"

"Well, I'm bummed and I wish he didn't have to go so soon, but maybe it's better if he leaves tomorrow."

"If you say so…"

And I stayed up until five in the morning writing in my journal that night. I had never had so much to say in one entry in my life. I had so many thoughts running through my head and so many different emotions fighting for dominance. Yet my only thought was that I was relieved for Jacob Black's departure.

But it changes things when you wake up in the morning and you know he's gone.


	6. The Morning After

I woke up crying the next morning. It shocked me how much I could miss a guy I hadn't even known for 48 hours. I knew it didn't make any sense and that it was completely crazy, but I also knew that it would have been totally different if he hadn't kissed me. I found that the impact his leaving had on my stomach and heart was ten times worse than his arrival. It felt like I was being ripped apart from the inside out. But I didn't understand it.


	7. Against All Odds, A Clean Break

Four days later, I had chipped toenail polish and a bra strap falling off my shoulder. America's Sweethearts was playing on my television and the bookmark in my copy of Wuthering Heights had collected a layer of dust. The hair was growing back on my legs and my face hadn't seen make-up in half a week. But there was one thing that was killing me inside. Jake hadn't contacted me since our last night together. No texts. No calls. No chats. So I decided to take a chance. I'd text him.

_B: "I uploaded pics on fb. Want me 2 tag u?"_

But there was never a response. I cried for awhile and then opened my laptop. I went to Jake's page and looked through all his pictures. Most of them were with Rebecca, which I found sweet. And it made me miss him all the more. Then moments later, my chat popped up. When I saw the name, I closed my eyes and breathed deeply.

_E: "hey"_

_B: "hello Edward :)"_

_E: "whats with the smile"_

_B: "im happy"_

_E: "about?"_

_B: "flings are the best"_

_E: "with? Not seeing me everyday or what"_

_B: "jack cheated on me so that was over a few weeks ago. But then some family friends came to town and I finally met the 18 year old whose photo's been on my fridge for the past month"_

_E: "wow"_

_B: "you have no idea."_

_E: "ok?"_

_B: "damn you can get away w a lot in a swimming pool"_

_E: "ok I gtg"_

_B: "ok bye"_

Then it started to get to me.

_B: "wait a sec ur not gonna go around telling ppl im a whore are you?_

_E: "yup haha jk"_

_B: "im not kidding! Plz don't cuz im not"_

_E: "im not damn"_

_B: "thank you. And don't forget that I know things"_

_E: "like?"_

_B: "remember what you told me when you were comparing jane and Tanya?"_

_E: "so who r u gonna tell"_

_B: "haha idk I'd decide if you told"_

_E: "k have fun telling ppl stuff tht u don't know is true"_

_B: "I had a feelin you were lying"_

_E: "yea the only ppl tht rly know me are Emmett jane and god"_

_B: "just don't go around talkin abt stuff you have no details abt k?"_

_E: "ok'"_

_B: "and I'll keep my mouth shut. so have you gotten w anyone this summer?"_

_E: "jane"_

_B: "she took you back?"_

_E: "ya"_

_B: "that's great! What did you have to do to get her back?"_

_E: "nothing"_

_B: "ok well good for you I guess the charm was all it took haha"_

_E: "yup im good at that as you know"_

_B: "yes I know. You just better hope you never run out haha"_

_E: "I wont I can go for days haha"_

_B: "tell me something I DON'T know. But can you go for years?"_

_E: "yup centuries decades milliniums"_

_B: "*millennia haha"_

_E: "whatever"_

_B: "just remember that girls get smarter once they get to college. They wont fall for ANYTHING"_

_E: "I know that's why with me there isn't anything to fall for"_

_B: "what do you mean by that?"_

_E: "with girls I rly like I don't bs them if they like me then they like me if they don't I move on"_

_B: "then why bs the others? lol"_

_E: "cuz its fun cuz your so confused tht you have no clue who I am"_

_B: "you think its just confusion we feel? Hahahahaha you rly don't know girls very well do you?"_

_E: "yea I do actually ive been studying them for 17 years haha"_

_B: "its not just confusion. You only wish it was that simple haha"_

_E: "I know its more cuz they go thru confusion emotional physical it's a lot of things cuz girls kinda play on the fact of dating at first words. And don't tell me thts bs cuz you know its not"_

_B: "it did NOT take first words! This is SOOOO bs. Guys have to prove themselves first"_

_E: "not w you"_

_B: "with me? It took me a year and a month"_

_E: "ya I know you're a lil slow haha"_

_B: "I am not slow. You just take longer to fool me hahaha"_

_E: "na you still don't know me"_

_B: "and you don't know me"_

_E: "nope don't rly want to tho"_

_B: "and why not?"_

_E: "idk just don't sry"_

_B: "why do you think you have to be sucking face w a girl to know her? Whats your definition of 'know' anyway?"_

_E: "who they are, their parents, what they like, what they don't, their past, where theyre goin in life, their goals, their experiences, how they live their morals, I know a lot haha"_

_B: "im surprised morals mean a thing to you haha no offense"_

_E: "yup"_

_B: "then why do you play it off like you do?"_

_E: "cuz the ones that rly like me get to know the real me, which a lot of ppl like me just not at our school"_

_B: "then I guess they're not college girls haha"_

_E: "yea 2 are but the others are like private school girls so they might as well be"_

_B: "just don't play w their heads, hearts, and feelings and you should be good haha"_

_E: "I already do and im still good so I'll let you go l8r"_

_B: "see ya"_

I shook my head, smiled, and closed my laptop. It was pathetic. But the funny thing was that while I was talking to Edward for those two hours, I didn't feel a thing. There was nothing left in my heart for him. No more pain… nothing. And I immediately knew that Jacob was the reason why. He had cleansed me of that horrible pain, the agony that I had been harboring for eight months, almost nine. But with just one hold of the hand, he made me forget Edward. And with one kiss, he made me feel nothing for Edward. And I almost loved him for that.

That night, my phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Bella?"

"Mom?"

"Hey, honey. How are you holding up?"

I looked around the Webers living room. All eight children were passed out on the floor in front of the muted TV. The kitchen was trashed and there was food scattered all over the table.

"Pretty good. I should be coming home around one."

"Okay, just don't get pulled over."

"Mom, it's a three-minute drive. I think I can handle myself," I smiled, my voice cracking a little at the end. I hesitated and there was a silence.

"Bella… please talk to me."

"What's left to say? He's gone, I'm sad, but I'll get over it, end of story."

"He still hasn't talked to you?"

"No."

"Honey, I'm sorry…"

"Mom, it's fine. But I'll give him one thing. He fooled me good. He did it better than Edward, and that's really saying something." I tried to laugh, but choked on it.

"Bella, there's something you should know."

All my nerves began to explode. "What?"

"Well, on Monday while you and Jake were on the back patio, I was talking to Laura and…"

The tale she had to tell shook me.

"_So Bella and Jacob seem to be hitting it off," Renee said to Laura from inside the house._

"_Oh, I know! And I'm glad too," Laura replied, as if sighing with relief._

"_Really?"_

"_Oh yeah! You know, Jake didn't even wanna come here."_

"_You don't say…"_

"_Yes, I know. When he found out that Rachel wouldn't be here, he was completely against stopping. He was like, 'Why do we have to stop? Can't we just go straight home?' Oh, he was miserable on the way up here."_

"_You're kidding…"_

"_Nope."_

_Renee looked away for a moment, letting it all sink in. This had to be against all odds…_

I was quiet and my mouth hung open slightly. There were no words for what I felt at that very moment. I had to sit down to let it all sink in. This had to be against all odds.

"Bella? Can you hear me?"

"Uh… yeah, Mom. I'm here."

"Shocker, isn't it?"

"It changes everything."

And then I hung up just as Bronwyn was walking into the kitchen. She swept some dry cereal off of the chair in front of me and sat down.

"Was that Jacob?" she asked tiredly.

"No, that was Renee…"

"But…?" she searched my eyes for an answer.

"But it was _about_ Jake."

"And?" she asked, now fully awake.

"He felt the same way I did…"

"What do you mean?"

"He didn't want to come here," I whispered.

"You mean, he didn't want to be here anymore than you _wanted_ him to be here?"

"Exactly."

"That has to be against all odds…"

"My thoughts exactly! See? How could he have possibly been playing me or using me? I mean, what are the odds that I could hate that they were coming here more than anything, and he could hate coming here more than anything too? And then we meet, flirt, kiss, have a fling, he takes the pain of Edward away, leaves, never contacts or answers me again, and that was all supposed to happen so that Edward's pain could be replaced with Jake's? I don't think so."

"You think it had a greater purpose?"

"It had to. It _has_ to! I _know_ this was God's doing! I mean, Jake didn't want to come! And I didn't want him to come! How could that possibly be coincidental? Especially when you pile on the fact that we ended up having a fling and he took away a pain that I had been carrying around for eight months? I _know_ that wasn't so that I could keep hurting, just over someone else. God sent him my way to fix me. And he did."

"Then maybe that was all he was meant to do."

"I don't get what you mean."

"What I mean is… God brought you to each other so that he could heal your heart, which he did, and then he left. And it may not be meant to be that you guys ever speak again. Maybe it was one of those things where some guy walks into your life only for as long as he needs to and then when he leaves, all contact ceases and you never see or hear from him again because his work was done. A clean break."

"Maybe you're right. I mean, that does make sense…"

"'Cause if there's one thing I know, it's that he definitely wasn't using you. I promise you, Bella. I _know_ he wasn't."

"Thanks, Bron. I needed to hear that."

"And I'm not just saying that."

"I know."

"And besides, you may have helped him straighten out a kink in his life." She shrugged. "You never know."

I smiled at her words. Something told me that I had it all figured out. What we had said was true. It was no coincidence the circumstances under which Jacob Black had come into my life. He had come for a purpose. A purpose that neither of us saw coming. And he had served his purpose dutifully and entirely. But then it all ended as quickly as it had started.


	8. Harboring Fugitives

Jacob never did contact me again. And I never made another effort to contact him either. I kept myself offline when I got on Facebook; I didn't wanna know if he was on. But I never forgot about him. After all, he was the guy who changed everything. And I knew in my heart that, by the way we met and under the circumstances, it was fate. And I would tell anyone who wanted to hear it. It wasn't one of those things where I "knew" but, deep down, wasn't really sure enough to say it. But for the first time in my life, I really did know.

This wasn't like it was with Edward. I "knew" that he liked me back. But I never had the nerve to say so to anyone except Alice. But this… I could open up about this to anyone. I would tell anyone who would listen. This was a fact in my life. I owned it. It couldn't be taken from me by anyone or anything. It was mine to keep. And I kept it.

Tuesday morning, a week after Jacob had left, I met with all the girls in my church youth group in the Ingles parking lot at six. It was time to go to camp. I had let our girls' youth group leader, Heidi, convince me to attend this summer even though I had originally planned to bail out to spend time with Jack. Those plans, however, dissolved before summer even started. So I was on my way to Lake Bayley with a bunch of whiny, sensitive, girly, overbearing women. Fabulous.

I climbed into the backseat of Heidi's van with Bronwyn sitting between me and Charlotte, one of the younger girls… about thirteen like Bron. I pulled out my box of Tagalong knock-offs and began snacking as Charlotte and Bronwyn started chattering away mindlessly. Tia, the oldest JC and our youth group's new camp director's daughter, and the first-year girls pulled out their pillows and went straight back to sleep.

"Bella."

I turned to Charlotte. "What?"

"What year are you?"

"Fifth."

"I thought it only went up to fourth and then you got to be a junior counselor."

"Well, I'm not a legit JC. I didn't pay to come and I didn't sign up. I'm not on the roster or listed in the JC program or in any of the records. So I'm just calling myself a fifth-year."

"So what are you gonna do? Be a JC or a camper?"

"Well, I was thinking that I'll be a JC so that I can get away with not going to any of the boring activities, and I'll be a camper during free time when the JC rehearsals and meetings are going on. Plus, when I'm a JC, I'll be able to sneak you guys away from our evening devotionals at the pavilion," I smiled.

The girls grinned. Then Bronwyn spoke up.

"So have you heard from Jake at all?"

My heart sank just the slightest bit, but it didn't hurt. So I smiled. "No…"

"But…?"

"He's found somebody else."

"What do you mean?"

"Back home in California. He found someone else."

"Like… a girl?"

"Yes."

"Who is she?"

"Her name's Irina. She's pretty cute. And she actually lives in California close to him. I'm pretty happy for him, actually."

"Are you really?"

"Yes. And you know what?"

"What?"

"He's saying the same things to her as he did me. Like, when we were texting all night long, he said stuff about having fun and hoping we could 'chill tomorrow' and shit."

"How the hell do you know he's saying that stuff?"

"Well, he checked his Facebook on my brother's laptop last Monday and," I paused to chuckle, "he forgot to log off."

"So you have complete and total access to his Facebook?"

"Yes, ma'am," I grinned.

"So what do you know?"

"Well, at the very latest, they started seeing each other yesterday-"

"Define seeing," Bronwyn frowned.

"Just chillin' with each other."

"Oh, okay. Go on."

"Well, then they started posting shit on each other's walls like, 'I had fun today. I hope we can chill tomorrow' and 'yeah, me too and hopefully so' and-"

"And that's the same little convo that you guys had the night he kissed you for the first time, right?"

"Right."

"Okay."

"Yeah, he said the same things to her as he did to me. So if they end up having a relationship, then I probably did help him get his groove back," I smiled.

"Yes…" Bronwyn said thoughtfully. "But there's something else."

My face fell ever so slightly. "What?"

"If they end up in a relationship… by the way their conversations are identical to the ones he had with you… there's no doubt that, if you lived as close to him as she does, it would be you. _You_ would be the girl he'd be in the relationship with."

"What makes you so sure?" I asked skeptically.

"Hell, Bella, he wanted to see you again! He texted you and asked to see you again the next day! Guys only do that when they really like a girl! Not to mention the fact that he knew that you guys wouldn't have much time together. And the fact that things are happening between them the exact same way as it was with you, there's no doubt. But that's only if he ends up in a relationship with her."

"I guess you're right," I said, my spirits immediately lifting even more. I knew she was right. There was no way that it wasn't true. I had just received another certain epiphany. And I had to admit, the more these amazing truths occurred to me, the more recognizable they became as real _truths_, not fantasies.

"So," Charlotte cut in, "we gonna go skinny-dipping?"

"You know it," I told her.

"When?" Bronwyn asked.

"Whenever we can. It may be tonight, it might be tomorrow night. It might even be the last night. It all depends on whether we can go without getting caught."

"Okay, well, let's try and make it work."

"Guys," I said, "I'm a JC. I will make this work."

They smiled. Then we were suddenly jerked out of our happy-go-lucky state as Tia whipped around, rage in her eyes. She eyed all three of us and then her vision zeroed in on Charlotte.

"Get your knees out of my back!" she yelled. My blood began to boil. No one talks to my girls like that.

"Pull your head out of your ass!" I yelled back.

"Excuse me?" she glared at me.

"Instead of being a bitch, you could've asked her nicely!"

"Umm… how 'bout no."

"Umm… how 'bout yes."

Tia immediately turned back around and faced the front. She knew there was no use in fighting with me. She always lost. She was eighteen and acted like she was three. It was the most pathetic thing I had ever seen. And what was worse was that her camp director mother was one of those doormat mothers. That was probably why Tia was such a bitch all the time. I knew that it was a good idea, in the end, that I go to camp this year. After all, I was the only girl in the youth group that had the nerve to defend myself and the other girls against Tia. She and her younger sister, Sasha (who was ten months younger than me), had been massive problems in the youth group ever since they moved to Forks. They had come from Phoenix, so they were used to the heat. Not a day went by that they didn't bitch about being cold. Even in April. They tortured all the other girls and argued with everyone about everything. They were snobby and loud and obnoxious and absolutely hated by absolutely everyone.

Tia stayed turned around, but the girls and I made no effort to hide the continuance of our conversation from her.

"What's her problem?" Bronwyn asked coldly.

"I don't know," I said, "but she better get over it pretty damn quick 'cause I'm not putting up with a single minute of it this week. And if she doesn't, I will make her life a living _hell_." And I looked right at her as I spoke. She was turned around, but I knew she could hear me loud and clear. And she knew just how serious I was. I was the only girl that she couldn't and wouldn't bully. The day she realized that she couldn't bully me like she could the other girls was the day she began to fear me. She was "superior" to every girl in the youth group, but _I_ was superior to _her_. And whenever I was around to make it so, everyone else was superior to her because I never let her get away with any infraction. She had no power. And that was as it should be.

After about two hours of driving, we finally made it to Lake Bayley and found our camp site. We were one lot over from last year. That meant we were on the better side of the lake, the side in which you actually_ could_ get away with skinny-dipping. We parked and I looked outside to see all the JCs. They had already been there for one night because JCs always went to camp one day before the campers. Alice was sitting at the picnic table waiting for me and Bron.

"What's up, babe?"

She yawned. "The sun. The beating hot sun…"

"So I'm guessing we're in for a heated week?"

"It got up to 104 yesterday and it's supposed to be hotter today."

"You're kidding…"

"Nope. We've already had four girls have heat strokes. It's pretty bad out here."

"Ugh, don't make me regret coming out here…"

"Just stay hydrated and you won't have to worry about it."

"I'd actually be grateful for a heat stroke!" I paused. "As long as I die."

"Why?" Bronwyn, Charlotte, and Alice asked simultaneously.

"Because. I'd rather die of a heat stroke than live through a week in this heat with all these overly sensitive and hormonal girls. It's just not worth it."

"If you say so…" Alice shrugged. "But then who would French-braid all the girls' hair? You're the only one of us who can."

"Well, tough shit."

"No, Bella, you have a responsibility as the Ward French-Braider. And you have not been released from that calling."

"I wasn't aware that it was my calling."

"Oh, yes. We sustained you secretly your second year."

Charlotte and Bronwyn grinned as they lifted their right hands.

I glared at them. "Any opposed." And I raised mine.

"Don't be such a Debbie Downer."

"Hello? By being a Debbie Downer, I bring life to this whole camp. Don't tell me you disagree?"

"Absolutely not."

"That's what I thought."

Then we all gathered around Tia's mom to receive our camp bags. A few of the second-years had bailed on camp, so I got to have one of theirs. The only downside to that was that my camp T-shirt was bright green instead of teal blue. That was a bit of a disappointment. I hung back as the girls got situated in their assigned tents with their assigned JCs. I could understand assigning JCs to certain groups of girls, but assigning tents and tent mates was about the worst idea a girls' camp director could have. The arrangements never stuck and the girls always ended up rearranging. I knew that this would, once again, be a problem when Heather came up to me looking like she was gonna cry.

"I hate camp already!" she said.

I shushed her and glanced at the other first-years who also had the livid look in their eyes. I could tell they were all pretty steamed.

"Why? What's wrong?"

"They put me in a tent with Tia!" Her eyes welled up with tears.

"What?" I was infuriated. How dare they stick all the first-years in a tent with an anal bitch who hates kids? There was no way that I was gonna put Heather through that. Hell, it was only her first year! I couldn't let Tia poison her and make her never wanna come back. So as my tent mate and fellow JC, Gianna, walked by, I snatched her by her shirt sleeve and yanked her to me.

"We have a tent problem," I told her.

"What is it?"

"All these first-years have been dog-piled in tents with freakin' Tia and Sasha!" I whispered.

"You're kidding. They will never wanna come back!"

"My point! Which tent is ours?"

"The big orange one."

"How many girls do we have in there with us?"

"Just two right now. I'm pretty sure we could smuggle at least three more."

"How many will it accommodate?"

"Eight."

"Okay, I'm down with that."

"Okay, so where does that leave the others?"

"I was hoping you had an idea."

"Well, we could hide them in Alice's tent. She's got room for them."

"Okay, then we'll do that."

Then Heather tugged on my shirt. "What if Mrs. Morgan moves us back?" she asked, her eyes fearful.

"She won't. I won't let it happen," I assured her.

So we moved all the girls' luggage into our tent, leaving Sasha with one tent mate and Tia with no one. Yes, Mrs. Morgan pitched a bitch fit about us undoing her arrangement, but we just rolled our eyes and ignored her. And eventually, she just shut up altogether. We suffered through the heat like troopers and were beyond relieved when dinner finally rolled around. We all took one last dip in the lake to dull the heat and then got out for the evening devotional. On the way, Heidi walked next to me.

"So what do you think about camp so far?"

"It's hot."

"Are you at least having fun?"

I shrugged. "More or less. Just waiting for you to realize what a bad influence I am on your girls."

"Oh, c'mon. You are not. Those girls love you and look up to you. They always have."

"Yeah, they really love how I harbor them like fugitives in my tent because they don't wanna be stuck with Tia."

Heidi chuckled. "Yes, I saw that. And I saw just how much they appreciated that. Don't be too hard on Mrs. Morgan. She's worked hard."

"That's one mistake that every camp director makes every single year: trying to arrange who sleeps with who and in which tent. It always ends up getting undone."

"I know. I'm gonna have to start letting the directors know before they start doing that from now on."

We sat down on the outer benches of the pavilion. We had a prayer and began to listen to the speaker. It seemed like the minutes dragged. The heat died down tremendously within minutes and the wind picked up. We heard the low rumble of thunder and then we looked out over the lake to see the lightening strike.


	9. Struck

It didn't take long for the sky to grow darker as the blackening clouds rolled in. The thunder grew louder and the lightening was beginning to strike more often… and closer. Our girls' youth group president grabbed the megaphone and ordered everyone back to their camps. I grabbed Bronwyn and Charlotte and we walked back to the camp site. A third-year, Bree, and a fourth-year, Claire (who was also Gianna's sister) tagged along. Gianna grabbed our girls and took them inside our tent. I stayed outside with Bronwyn and Charlotte as it began to rain. Within minutes, the sky had gone completely black and it looked like night. I pulled them, Claire, Bree, Gianna, and Alice toward the camper where our leaders stayed and we started dancing like idiots. Mrs. Morgan popped her head out.

"What are you girls doing?"

"Dancing!" I told her.

"Oh," she laughed, "okay."

Then she shut the camper door and disappeared. The other girls looked at me as it began to pour.

"How do you _do_ that?" Claire asked.

"I think she knows I'll fight back," I said lowly. I turned to the road. "Hey, you guys let's take this out to the road!"

I led everyone to the road in the pouring rain, lightening striking relentlessly now. We screamed in thrill, causing us to get yelled out by passersby that turned out to be leaders from other wards. Rolling our eyes, we walked back to camp. We decided there was no longer a point to being out in the rain if the leaders were gonna suck the fun out of it, so we went back to all our tents. But the girls that stayed behind refused to let us in to track mud and rain through the tents. So we all ended up stuck outside in the pouring rain, which was starting to get cold. Then we all looked at each other.

"Maybe we should wait this out in the bathrooms," I suggested.

They all nodded and I led them toward the road. I looked left and right, squinting through the downpour to make sure there were no headlights that would see us. When I knew the coast was clear, we all made a run for the bathrooms. I was the first one through the door, and I immediately turned back, filing the other girls through the door as they came. But someone was missing. I turned around to see Gianna, Bree, Claire, Bronwyn, and Charlotte. So I looked back out into the rain to see Alice walking leisurely through the downpour over to us. She was under an umbrella, which made my eyebrows furrow.

"Alice, hurry up!" I shouted over the thunder.

When she walked up, the umbrella was closed to reveal not only Alice, but also Heidi. My face fell and I just knew we were dead.

"You couldn't have run faster," I muttered to her as she joined the rest of us. She just rolled her eyes.

"So what are you girls doing?" Heidi asked casually, though I knew better. She was insanely pissed.

"Just takin' a stroll," I smiled. "What can I do ya for?"

"How about telling me why you're all not in your tents?" Her voice remained calm and friendly as if she was asking you about your day. And that just made my skin crawl.

"They won't let us in," Claire spoke up. "They won't let us in because we're all wet and they don't want everything inside to get wet."

"Okay, well, we definitely can't all stay out here," she told us.

"Aw, why not?" Bree whined. "This is so much fun!"

"Well, I don't want to take away all your… fun," her eyes flickered towards me, "but it's all about keeping you safe." She continued to constantly glance at me as she spoke. "So why don't we wait for the rain to die down before we go back." She glanced at me once more.

So I spoke up. "So I guess you do know at this point that this was all my idea."

"Well, I wouldn't be surprised," Heidi said, rolling her eyes.

Alice looked at me and stifled a giggle. I shot her a similar look.

"Regardless," Heidi continued, "we need to get you all into some dry clothes because, as ironic as it is, we're all freezing right now. So how about if we all go back to the tents, you guys gather up your pajamas, and I'll bring you all back a couple at a time to change."

So we all walked back to our tents where Bronwyn, Bree, and Charlotte grabbed their clothes and Heidi took them first to change. Claire, Gianna, Alice and I all stood outside the tents, waiting. After fifteen minutes, we were shaking and shivering. Heidi and the other girls were nowhere to be seen when we looked toward the bathroom. I finally surrendered.

"Okay, I refuse to wait forever and it's gonna be midnight before we all get dressed."

"Actually," Alice said, tapping her waterproof watch, "I think it may be later. It's already 11:40. It may be one in the morning if they keep going at this pace."

"Maybe they're trying to make us suffer since it's mostly our- well, _Bella's_- fault that they ended up wet."

"Well, regardless, we need to get out of here and into something dry."

"What are we gonna do?" Gianna asked.

"Well, Heather and I are the only ones that have been taking advantage of the luggage tent behind the camper, so there's plenty of space for all of us to sleep."

"Where can we change?"

"In the tent. Trust me, there's _plenty_ of space."

"Okay, then let's go."

I let the girls grab their bare necessities before leading them to the luggage tent. We all set our stuff down in the back part before stripping down to our underwear.

"Oh shit…" Gianna muttered.

"What?" the others asked simultaneously.

Then I realized it too and groaned. "We have no towels."

"So what do we do?"

"I guess we'll just have to sleep in our underwear. It's midnight."

Just then we were all startled when the door to the tent was unzipped and two flashlights were shining in all our eyes. We gasped and let our eyes focus on Heidi and Kate, another one of our leaders. They stared at us blankly in shock before Heidi spoke.

"What are you girl doing?" she asked in that same old friendly tone.

"It's an orgy! What do you think?" I said cheerfully.

Heidi laughed. "Be that as it may, I just wanted to see where you guys were."

"I think we're just gonna crash here tonight."

Just then another flashlight came around the corner and found itself in our eyes. This time, it was Kim, our third and final leader apart from Mrs. Morgan.

"Well, what do we have here?" she asked, a smile of amusement spreading across her face.

"Apparently, it's an orgy," Kate said matter-of-factly.

"Fun! It almost looks like a lesbian convention," Kim giggled.

"I know, doesn't it?" Heidi laughed. "Either that or a very intense pillow fight, minus the pillows."

"Okay," I cut in before the conversation got any more "deep", as Edward would have put it. "Now that we've all had time to get to know each other, how about if we all go to bed?"

Muttering goodnights, the three leaders left. I turned to the others and we all looked each other over. We were all soaked. Rain was dripping from our hair and our underwear was soaked through and sticking unattractively to our skin. Luckily, we were all four in dark-colored bras and panties, our "delicate states" could hardly be considered in a wet T-shirt contest. Just then, Alice gasped. We all turned to see her staring at her phone, a look of absolute horror on her face. I could even see tears forming in her eyes.

"Alice what is it?" I asked, approaching her.

"It's Collin," she choked out.

"Collin? What about Collin?"

"He… he-he got struck by lightning…"

"No…" All the air left my lungs and I thought I might pass out. "No, not Collin. Please tell me you're joking!"

"It came straight from Edward."

I let all the air out of my lungs again. Edward wouldn't lie about something this huge. Though I hoped it was all a lie, I knew that there was no way it could be since it came from him. I looked back up as Claire turned around and started sobbing quietly. I turned her back around and pulled her into a hug. She clung to me like a leech as she cried and cried. I let her go on for a few minutes until she calmed down.

"You know," I mumbled into her hair, "this is probably the most homosexual activity I've ever engaged in."

"Yup," Gianna added lightly, "it's starting to feel like a real orgy in here."

Claire finally gathered the strength to stand up on her own. "So what do we do now?" she asked.

"We'll have Alice keep in touch with Edward overnight and we'll see where tomorrow brings us."

Just then, all three leaders came back.

"Okay, girls, we've just set up m."

Claire finally gathered the strength to stand up on her own. "So what do we do now?" she asked.

"We'll have Alice keep in touch with Edward overnight and we'll see where tomorrow brings us."

Just then, all three leaders came back.

"Okay, girls, we've just set up my van so that you could sleep in there tonight if you like."

We looked up at the roof where rain was starting to drip on us.

"Okay," I said. "That sounds good."

Heidi eyed all of us closely. "What's going on?" she asked suspiciously.

Gianna, Claire, and I all turned to Alice. So she stepped forward.

"We just got word that Collin was struck by lightning tonight."

All three leaders went silent for a long time.

"Okay, we'll say a prayer tonight and then decide what to do about tomorrow in the morning."

We nodded and they wrapped us in towels before leading us to Heidi's van. Once they left, I turned to the others.

"So does anyone else feel like shit?" I asked.

"Bella, I think we all do," Alice whispered.

"And we should," Claire almost yelled. "We were running around in a storm that might have killed one of our friends! We argued and whined against Heidi 'taking away all our fun' when she was just trying to keep us safe and put her through all this bullshit until all hours of the night! And then Collin gets _struck_!"

"I know," I said.

Claire sighed. "I guess I'm just worried."

"You have a right to be," I said, fighting the tears away. "He means a lot to all of us." _Especially me_, I thought.

Finally, the rain stopped and Gianna and Alice fell asleep. I glanced over at Claire who was still awake.

"What time is it?" Claire asked, not even looking at me.

I reached behind me to the backseat and grabbed Alice's wrist. "Almost two."

"Damn."

"I have to pee."

"You know, me too."

"Well, then let's go."

Claire and I snuck out of the van as Gianna and Alice slept. When the automatic door shut, we looked over toward the bathrooms. For some reason, it was flooded with girls. We were in nothing but our underwear and a towel. There was no way in hell that we were gonna stand there waiting. It would be faster and less humiliating to just hike a quarter of a mile up the road to maggot-infested bathrooms with stall doors that would only shield everything above the hips and below the shoulders when you stood up… if you were 5'4.

So we trucked up the road, keeping our eyes open for headlights that might see us. It didn't take but a few minutes for a car to come toward us. We quickly jumped into the next camp site, hiding behind two trees. Naturally, the vehicle would be headed for the campsite we were hiding in. When I realized it, I rushed into the bushes, trying to quietly usher Claire to follow without waking up the campers in the site. But she wasn't quick enough. And when the truck pulled in, Claire was literally a deer caught in the headlights. She stared blankly into the lights of the vehicle and I sighed heavily before surrendering once again. The window of the truck rolled down and an elderly youth leader from another ward stared at me.

"Umm… what's going on?" she asked in a friendly tone, similar to Heidi's.

I impulsively decided to start the self-induced waterworks. "It's a really long story and we're wet and we just wanted to go to the bathroom and we didn't want to get in trouble 'cause we have no clothes!" I fake-sobbed.

The woman only nodded with a horrified look on her face before rolling up her window and pulling straight into the lot. Claire made a beeline for me and we both made a run for the northern bathrooms. We gave up on trying to stay covered. We decided that we would make a run for it in our underwear while pulling our towels along, letting them fly behind us as we ran. We made it to the bathrooms, did our business, and left. On our way back, I could feel more headlights behind us, so I grabbed Claire and we jumped Chuck Norris-style through the trees all the way to the lake where we jumped into the water.

"Do you think we should get out?"

I raised my eyebrows at her.

"Nah," we said simultaneously. And we swam all the way back to our campsite. We got out of the water, took the stone steps back up to the water spicket and cleaned off our feet before getting back into the van and lying back down in the seats.

"Wow. That was exhilarating," I said.

"No kidding. Coke?"

"Sure."

Claire passed me a coke and we pigged out on Charlotte's Pringles that she left by accident. Before we hit three, we fell asleep. And that night, I dreamt about Collin.


	10. Homebound

I woke up bright and early the next morning to the van door opening on my side. I squinted through the glaring sun until my visitor's head blocked it. I opened my eyes a little more to see Bronwyn staring down at me, wordlessly and without any facial expression. I looked down at myself. I was sprawled out in the car seat in just my bra and underwear with the towel dangling over the arm rest. It was as if I had only blinked; when I opened my eyes again, it wasn't just Bronwyn. Every first-year was surrounding the door to the van in a small semi-circle. I looked back to the snoring Claire and Gianna and Alice, who all looked dead. I turned back to the girls.

"Hey, Bella!" Bronwyn said brightly. "What's shakin'?"

I took a deep breath and inhaled the worst smell I had ever had the displeasure of encountering in my teenaged life. And the worst part was that it was _me_. Having had swam in the lake and run around in the rain the night before, sleeping in a stuffy and humid van had soured us all. We reeked epically. My hair had remained unwashed, my teeth unbrushed, and my goodnight sleep unattained. It sucked royal ass.

So I pulled my rank towel over me and walked to the water spicket. I drenched the towel and brought it with me to the luggage tent. There was a small puddle on the floor from the leak in the roof, but nobody's stuff got wet. I washed myself off with the drenched towel, though I knew it wasn't ideal for thorough cleanliness; it would suffice. I got dressed, went back to the water spicket, brushed my teeth, and went to the picnic tables for breakfast. I yawned as I passed by Kim, whose face lit up when I appeared.

"Good morning, Bella!" she said cheerfully. "I almost didn't recognize you with all your clothes on."

All the girls at the picnic table giggled. A few choked on the food they were chewing. I smiled and rolled my eyes before sitting down next to Bronwyn. The food looked beyond appetizing, but I knew it would be a bad idea. The bacon, pancakes, and fried hash browns were not my idea of a healthy breakfast, so I passed. Then Bronwyn turned to me.

"What happened last night?"

"We were stuck in the rain, so we slept in the-"

"You know what I mean, Bella. I heard crying last night and I know that, whatever the hell went down last night, it was pretty big. So what gives?"

I sighed and looked around. Too many witnesses. So I grabbed Bron by the wrist and pulled her away from the campsite, down the stone steps, and onto the lake's beach.

"Collin was struck by lightning last night," I told her.

She stared at me for a moment before speaking. "You're kidding."

"I wish."

"So what are we gonna do?" Her eyes welled up. Just then, my phone went off from my pocket. I opened it to see a name that had probably collected dust in my phone memory.

_E: "I hate 2 do this 2 u while ur at camp, but I rly think u should come home. Now."_

I looked back up at Bronwyn. "I'm gonna have a little chat with Heidi."


	11. That Old Familiar Place

"You're leaving already?" Bronwyn whined. "Who's gonna protect me from Tia?"

I pulled her into a hug and smiled sympathetically. "I have to go."

She sighed. "Give Collin a hug for me."

"I don't think I'm allowed to, but I'll try and get the message across."

"Okay, Bella, are you ready to go?" Heidi asked me as she closed the trunk of the van.

"Yes," I breathed.

"Alright, then let's split."

I climbed into the passenger's seat of the van as Heidi climbed into the driver's. It was one in the morning by the time we got to my house. My parents had no idea that I was coming home, so I didn't even bother going in the house. I went straight to Charlie's garage where my Mustang lived. I took the keys and left for the hospital. As I drove, trying to calm down, Bad Girlfriend by Theory of a Dead Man came on the radio. Instead of turning it off like any of the other songs I heard in his Volvo, I turned up the volume, letting it blare just as he did. I rolled the windows down and went back to that special place when I thought Edward was good for me. This was what I did when I was emotionally suffering. I would force myself back to a place that I would never willingly return to, given I had the choice. But tonight, I didn't have a choice anyway.

When I arrived at the hospital, I ran straight to ICU. Edward was there waiting for me. I skipped the sentimental greetings and skipped right to the chase.

"How is he?" I asked urgently.

"They got him stable, but he hasn't woken up yet."

"But it's been twenty-four hours!"

"I know, I know."

"And what about his parents?"

"They're still in Florida. They've been trying to get a flight back since this morning, but the storms are so bad they can't get back until tomorrow night at the earliest."

"Oh my God…"

"Bella, it's gonna be okay. He's gonna pull through this. I promise."

"Edward, don't…"

"Don't what?"

"Don't start making promises to me that you and I both know you can't keep."

"What, you don't trust me?"

"Edward, this has nothing to do with trust. It has to do with the fact that you have no control over this, so you have no business making any empty promises. And just for the record, no, I don't trust you."

"Why the hell not?"

I sighed. "Please…" I closed my eyes. "Not tonight."

And Edward let me go to Collin's room without another word about it. I sat down in the chair next to him silently. I wasn't sure what to do, what to say… if there was anything to say at all. All I could think to do was sit there and stare at him and pray to God that he'd wake up. Edward left me alone with him for a few minutes before coming in behind me and putting a hand on my shoulder. I reached up to hold onto his hand.

"What happened?" I asked quietly.

"He was riding dirt bikes with Eric and his little brother-"

"Where?"

"The dirt track right across the road from my place."

"What exactly happened?"

"They were riding around and when the storm came through, they got off the bikes and were getting ready to split. But then they got struck. All three of them did. Eric and the kid came to after a minute or two, but Collin never did. Apparently, he wasn't breathing and Eric had to perform CPR."

"Did it work?"

"No. He sent the kid to my place and I called 911. I waited with them for the paramedics and I had to take over for Eric doing the CPR. He went a whole ten minutes without breathing, but then the paramedics were able to get him going. He still isn't able to breathe on his own, though."

"Did you ride with him in the ambulance?" I asked.

"No, there wasn't enough room. But I followed in the Volvo. They insisted on keeping Eric and the kid for a couple of days in one of the regular rooms."

"Are they alone?"

"No, Eric's parents are in there with them. They share a room."

"Good. I don't want Joe to be alone."

"He isn't."

"So how long have you been here?"

"Ever since it happened. I mean, my parents are in Alabama, so it's not like I have a curfew."

"So you've stayed here with Collin?"

"Well, I leave to go home and shower and change, but other than that, I'm always here."

"You sleep here?"

Edward shrugged like it was the most normal every-day thing in the world. "And eat."

"Ew…"

"Hell, it's better than anything I've got back home."

"Ever heard of grocery shopping?"

"I don't do that sort of thing."

"Well, you will today."

"Why?"

"'Cause I'm here now. I'm gonna stay with Collin, so you can go home. I'll go grocery shopping with you and then you can stay home. He'll be fine."

"I'm happy for him."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"I'm not necessarily here for him."

"Then why are you here?"

"I know you care about him. He means something to you. And I knew you'd want someone here with him until you could be here with him."

"So you did this for _me_?"

"Should I not have?"

My expression softened. "No… I'm glad you did."

"Well, you're welcome."

For the first time in a long time, I willingly submitted myself into Edward's arms. It almost felt like crawling back into your old bed from your childhood. I felt the familiar safety and comfort. When he let go, he reached for my left hand. I pulled it away and let him take my right. It was impulsive and subconscious, but I didn't want Edward holding the hand that Jacob had held. That was just for me and Jake. He led me to the waiting area of the ICU and sat down with me. It was pushing two 'o clock in the morning. It didn't take long for me to fall asleep on Edward's shoulder.


	12. All Hell Breaks Loose

I woke up at around eight the next morning lying on a couch in the waiting area with Edward's jacket over me. A few seconds after I opened my eyes, Edward walked in carrying two cups of something with steam coming from it. I sat up and he handed me one of the cups.

"I remember how much you like coffee," he chuckled.

I yawned, remembering the frapuccino. He sat down next to me as I took a sip of the coffee, hoping to wake up.

"Where did you go?" I asked, noticing that he wasn't wearing what he was wearing when I closed my eyes.

"My house. I took a shower and changed clothes. Then I went by your house and picked up some of your stuff. You know, clothes and your toothbrush and toothpaste."

"Thanks," I said, taking the Walmart bag containing my stuff. "But how'd you manage that?"

"It really wasn't that difficult. Your parents were at work and God only knows where your brother was. And finding your room wasn't much of a problem either."

"But how did you get in?"

"I stole your car keys."

I nodded blankly and looked down at my pocket and saw that the bulge from my keys was gone. I didn't take time to worry about the fact that this wasn't just some spur-of-the-moment act of kindness and that Edward had deliberately taken my keys to do me a favor. I had other things on my mind, but I hadn't turned off my radar for important details. Today, however, I wouldn't dwell on it.

I opened the Walmart bag and sighed when I looked inside. Edward had packed my lacey bra and underwear and my shorty shorts with my brown plaid button-down. I made a mental note that he had been through my underwear drawer as well as my closet and bathroom. I didn't know why that was important, but something in the back of my head told me to remember it.

"Okay, well, I'm gonna go change and brush my teeth and we can go to the thrift store."

"Alright."

After I was ready, I walked with Edward out to his Volvo. We got in the car and he turned on his mixed CD. We rode in silence all the way there. I helped the simpleton pick out what it was that he wanted to eat for the next week and then we left. Sometime in those thirty minutes we were in there, something in the atmosphere changed. And when we got back out to the Volvo, we were laughing and smiling and… holding hands.

"So what now?" I asked.

"Well," he started, "I really, really need to get this stuff to the house, so if you wanna help with that, that'd be great."

Everything that had happened since the summer started that would've kept me from saying yes couldn't be restored to memory. So I said the most dangerous word I could ever let escape my lips.

"Yes."

Edward smiled and took my hand. We rocked out to his mixed CD just like the night we went to see The Crazies. When we got to his house, the door was locked, so I knew immediately that his brother, Anthony, wasn't home. Edward unlocked the front door and held it open for me. We went straight to the kitchen and began unloading the Volvo and putting groceries away. When we finished, we broke out the trail mix and lounged in the kitchen talking.

"So tell me about this fling," he said, popping a cashew into his mouth.

"What do you want to know?"

"Everything. What's he like? What did you guys do?"

"Well, Jacob just graduated high school, he's eighteen, extremely attractive, and very suave."

"How far did you go?"

"Second base."

"Damn, Bella. I would've never imagined that you, of all people…"

"Don't be so surprised."

"Where's he from?"

"California."

"Long-distance relationship?" he asked casually.

"No. Once he left, that was it. Clean break."

He shrugged. "Just as well, I suppose."

"I know. I'm satisfied with the way it ended."

As I spoke, Edward walked slowly and casually around the counter to where I sat. "So would you say that this Jacob guy was your knight in shining armor from me?"

"I don't know," I said in the same tone of voice I had used with Jake in flirting, which had been very successful. "He proved himself. Can you?"

"I thought I already did."

"Now new standards have been set. Can you meet them?"

"Are you even gonna tell me what they are?"

"Either you meet them or you don't. I never told Jacob what I liked."

"It's because you didn't know."

"And now I do."

"Then why are we still playing games?"

"You tell me."

Then Edward leaned in slowly and I closed my eyes. The explosions that went off inside me when his lips met mine were indescribable. After we were able to get the feeling in our bodies back, we deepened the kiss. I slowly moved my hands up his arms and around his neck. He wrapped his arms more securely around my waist and his hands reached up into my hair. Our hormones raged and we let go, making a run for the stairs. We made it up the first flight before Edward slammed me against the wall and attacked my neck. He was kissing me so urgently I thought I might explode from the hormone rampage.

I wrapped my legs around his waist and arms back around his neck. He picked me up and carried me upstairs. He pressed his lips urgently to mine and our mouths moved in sync. I felt his tongue running along the edges of my mouth and I followed his lead. Edward stumbled down the hall while holding me tightly and kissing me at the same time. When we reached his bedroom, the door was closed. He didn't bother with the handle, but instead slammed our bodies again the door, knocking it in. He carried me inside and we landed on the bed.

Edward lay on top of me, caressing my face and continuing to kiss me as hard as he could. I felt his hand move from my face down to my leg. I unbuttoned the first five buttons of his shirt and ran my hands up and down his chest intimately. His hand moved up my leg to my thigh and he started fidgeting with the bottom of my shorts. Then as I moved my hands to his shoulders, caressing his soft skin under my fingertips, his hands moved up my shirt, up my back, to unhook my bra. He left it unclasped and felt up my sides. He bent down over me and kissed my stomach urgently and I could feel the scruff on his face from not shaving in the last couple of days. Then he went for the buttons on my shirt; he undid every single one. I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck again as he moved his hands back up my shirt. He slowly pulled my bra from my shirt and reached up to cup my breasts in his hands. That was when I woke up.

I opened my eyes and jumped out of the bed. I held my head in my hands, in disbelief of what had just happened and completely bewildered at where it was heading.

"I can't do this," I whispered, more to myself than to Edward. But that didn't stop him from responding.

"Why not? You don't have to be scared of this."

"I'm not scared."

"Then what is it?" he asked, putting his hands on my shoulders. It was a reflex, instinct, impulse. I pulled away from him, leaving him completely astounded by the movement. Then I could see the anger flash across his eyes. "You can be with a complete stranger, but you can't be with me?"

"I never said anything about Jake!"

"You didn't have to! It's written all over your face! I can't believe this! You had met the guy, what? Six hours prior?"

"Seven! And it's a completely different story with him! You don't know anything!"

"Then enlighten me!" he yelled forcing his arms on either side of me, causing me to back up against his dresser.

"He was different from you!" I shouted back, pushing him away. "Edward, I look exactly the same as I did the day I found out you had played me! But guess what? To Jake, I was beautiful! I was good enough for him! My friends were there watching! And my parents! And they all could see it too! There were moments in the first minutes that he'd realize just how much he was staring at me and he'd have to snap himself out of it. He knew he liked me, so he acted on it. He didn't play any worthless mind games and deny it for a year! It took him mere minutes to start acting on his feelings. By the time five hours had passed, he kissed me. He wasn't afraid." Edward grew solemn. "And you keep calling me scared. You're a coward."

"Sounds like a player to me. Making out with you within hours of meeting you."

"It's not like he was sticking around all summer, Edward! After that night, there was one more day left! I'm glad he rushed it! If he hadn't, I don't know what I'd do!"

"Sounds like he played you."

"You only wish," I said, strongly and confidently.

"What makes you so sure he didn't?"

"First of all, I used to loathe the fact that he was coming here. Turns out he did too. Then he comes here and what happens happens. Some people call it coincidence; I call it fate."

"Why?"

"Because he was able to do something I thought no one ever could. Something that Jack failed at, along with all of my friends who tried to help me for over eight months."

"And what was that?"

"Rid me of you."

Edward hesitated. I could see pain flicker in his eyes. It was well hidden. But not from me. "Is that so?"

"Yes. He held my hand, I forgot about you. He kissed me, all feelings for you… gone. As if they never existed. I know that that didn't happen just so he could replace that pain with his own. We helped each other. We both had issues in our lives that we were trying to cover up. But when we met, they were resurrected and completely destroyed. He got rid of you and I helped him get his groove back, to make a long story short."

"Then you used each other."

"No," I said softly. "I liked him and he liked me. I know in my heart that he did."

He scoffed. "Just like you knew in your heart that_ I_ liked you?"

I smiled mischievously. He had read my journal. At some point, he had, but I ignored this fact as I decided there was another point to be made. "Well, I was right, wasn't I?"

Edward's face fell in defeat. He had been caught. The main question that I hadn't cared to know the answer to had finally been answered. I could no longer say that my feelings were gone. There was still something there, but it wasn't like it was before. I would jump through hoops for him. I couldn't even say that I really cared about him. It was weird and I couldn't explain it, but I knew that my feelings for Jake would forever be stronger than whatever this was with Edward. It would take a miracle to change that. "That's what I thought."

I walked past him to leave, but he caught my arm. "Bella, please wait…"

"For what, Edward? For you to pull your head out of your ass long enough to see what's been right in front of your face for the past eight and a half months? No, thank you."

"Look, I made a mistake-"

"Damn straight, you made a mistake! You put me through hell when you had feelings for me all along!"

"I know and I'm sorry! Please, just don't leave…"

"Sorry doesn't cut it this time, Edward! I can never let you get close to me like that. Like he did…"

"Why not?"

"He was honest, Edward. He was honest with himself and he was honest with me. He didn't use me or play me for a fool like you did. He didn't take time to think about it or tease it. The only time he took was the four hours to make sure he wasn't just lusting after me; that's why he actually_ talked_ to me. He got to know me a little more before he went straight in for the big kill."

"Please, just give me a chance." He was starting to beg.

"No, Edward! After what you did, I can't let you get close to me like he did. He was true. He got rid of a pain that I thought I might never get rid of. And there's no way in hell that I'm gonna let you put it back."

"You're making a big mistake, Bella…"

"Is that a threat?" I challenged, taking another step toward him.

"It's a promise. He's gone now, Bella. It's not like you can just wait for him to come running back."

"I don't expect him to. But you manipulated me, Edward. You made me feel like shit. Because of you, I lost so much self-confidence and self-respect. But then a guy came into my life at the most unexpected time that I could've imagined and he helped me get it back in a matter of seconds. And I'm not about to undo what he did."

Then I walked out. I left the house and walked across the road to the spot where Collin had been struck by lightning. I kneeled down in the exact spot where he almost lost his life. I could it was that spot because it looked like a body had been lying there and there were countless footprints all around.

I pulled out my cell phone and dialed Alice's number. She had said she would driven home early from camp this morning, so I knew she was home by now.

"Hello?"

"Alice?"

"Bella? What's wrong?"

"I need you to come get me."

"Okay, where are you?"

I knew she could tell I was crying, though I still tried desperately to hide it. "At Edward's."

There was a silence before Alice spoke in serious voice. "I'm on my way."


	13. On To Something

When Alice pulled up in her yellow Porsche, I didn't hesitate to climb right in.

"The car looks great," I said in monotone.

"Yeah, all fixed. So what went down?" she asked warily, eyeballing my appearance. I was holding my shirt together because I was braless and no longer had buttons. My mascara was running with my tears, I had bruises on various parts of my body from being slammed up against walls and such, and I was pretty sure that I looked like I had been brutally assaulted. "What the hell happened? Did he-"

"No," I cut her off. "Absolutely not."

"Then please explain!"

"We were about to have sex," I whispered, ashamed.

"Really, Bella? Really? 'Cause it looks like you just escaped from a rape."

"No, we just like it rough."

"Could've fooled me."

"Well, first we were kissing and then we were making out. Then on our way upstairs, he slammed me up against the wall and I'm pretty sure he bit me."

As we approached a red light, Alice looked at the left side of my neck. "Yeah, he did. You'll wanna cover that up."

"Is it coverupable?"

"Maybe. I'll see what I can do."

We pulled up in Alice's driveway and went up to her room. I looked in the mirror and I saw that Alice was right. It wouldn't be easy, but we could cover this monster.

"I don't know what happened," I told her urgently. "But I finally snapped out of it and I left."

"I know there were words, Bella."

I sighed. "We argued, yes. It was mostly about Jake and how Edward didn't understand why I couldn't be with him like I had Jake."

"What did you tell him?"

"That Jake was for real. That he was true and honest and he never played games with me the way he had. I told him I just couldn't do it. He had hurt me to the point of no return and I couldn't let him resurrect everything that Jake had eliminated."

"Then why did you do it? Why did you let him get to you today?"

"I found out the truth. Edward liked me all along. He was just being a coward this whole time. He even admitted to it."

"Did you want to have sex with him?"

"I don't know. I don't know what I want! It's just so confusing because what I felt for Jake was so strong and so real. Whatever this is that's between me and Edward… it's strong and it's real, but it feels polar opposite to what I felt with Jacob. It's just so different."

"Lust, maybe?"

"Maybe. But I can usually fight off lust. I don't think that's what it is. I think it might be something different than lust."

"Like?"

"Like whatever it is within those complicated relationships that makes them complicated."

"Now you're on to something."


	14. All Guys Are Stupid

I walked into Collin's hospital room alone. I tried not to dwell on the fact that he had breathing tubes down his throat or that he was hooked up to more machines than I would've thought possible. I sat down next to him and started to do what the doctors said might help. And that was to talk to him.

"Hey, Collin," I tried to smile. "You look better already." I sighed and put my head in my hands, knowing that I was probably already failing. "You have to wake up, you know. 'Cause if you don't… I don't know what I'm going to do. I know you were there for me during the musical and you made everything better in so many different ways. And I know that it was very important to you that this whole emotional dilemma I had with Edward went away." I paused, sniffling. "And I thought you should know that it has. Some guy came into my life at the most unlikely time and got rid of everything. And I'm happy. Edward's gone and everything in my life is falling into place again just like you hoped it would." A tear rolled down my cheek. "I'm not gonna let Edward undo it. But I'm not gonna let you undo it either. That's why you have to wake up."

I stared at Collin's unmoving face for a really long time, hoping against hope that those sentimental monologues to an unconscious comatose person in the hospital were for real. Finally, I just gave up and began to sob. I laid my head on Collin's torso and I stayed there. I cried and cried until I fell asleep.

I woke up to someone shaking me gently. My eyes opened and I looked up to see Collin's mom standing there.

"Bella?"

"Yes?"

"Has there been any change?"

I stood up and shook my head sadly. My eyes were so heavy; I knew they had to be red and puffy.

"There's someone outside to see you," she told me.

I looked out the window to see Edward standing there. I turned back and hugged Collin's mother before leaving her alone with him. I shut the door and faced Edward.

"No change?" he asked.

"No." I sniffled. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to make sure you and Collin were okay."

"We're fine. You know, you should go home and get some rest," I told him, rubbing his arm.

"What about you?"

"I was thinking about crashing here, but since Collin's mom is here now, I'm probably just gonna go home myself."

"Are your parents expecting you?"

I shook my head. "No, they don't even know I left camp. They won't expect me until about noon tomorrow."

"You could crash at my place if you want. No one's home and you won't have to deal with your parents."

I stared at him, a look behind the eyes that told him I'm not stupid.

"You can have my bed and I'll sleep on the couch," he said.

"Edward, I don't know…"

"C'mon, we need to catch up anyways, so…"

I knew what "catch up" translated into. It meant that we would end up in an argument that would put World War III to shame if there ever was one. That in itself would've stopped me, but I decided that we'd have to have this fight sooner or later and we might as well just get it out of the way tonight. So I agreed.

Edward unlocked the front door and we immediately hit the couch in the living room. We were both quiet for a really long time. I was lying on the couch with my head against the arm rest and my feet in Edward's lap. He kept him arm casually slung over my legs. Then he finally spoke.

"Bella, I want to talk to you."

"Then talk."

"I just want us to be able to have this conversation without weapons or yelling or, God forbid, walking away. Could we talk about this and maintain civil tones at the same time?"

"Edward, my best guy friend is in a coma. I am in absolutely no position to be making such promises. But I'll try."

"That's all I ask."

"So start talking."

"Why don't you trust me anymore?"

"Because I'm not stupid. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice… go to hell." I crossed my arms across my chest. I was already losing my temper.

"I get that, Bella. I really do, but I'm trying to be honest with you _now_. Why can't you cut me some slack?"

"I can't even believe you're _asking_ me to cut you some slack. Edward, there's no way. You played me. You used me. You lied to me about your feelings and you still haven't explained to me why."

"I didn't want to, but damn it, Bella, you scared the fuck out of me!"

"How? What the hell did I do?"

"Just you! You alone scared me. You _still_ scare me."

"Then why aren't you running away this time?"

"Because all last year, I thought you'd love me forever. You'd always be there. You'd always be available for me when I was ready. I thought I had all the time in the world. Then when you were telling me about Jacob on chat, it changed things."

"How?"

"The way you talked to me. It was different. And I knew everything had changed after him. I mean, when you were with Jack, I could just look into your eyes and tell that he wasn't deterring your thoughts away from me by any means. So I never worried about him. But then this Jacob guy comes along and you suddenly want nothing to do with me. That's when I knew my time had run out."

"That's what happens when you play games, Edward," I told him. "You always lose."

"But I don't wanna lose you, Bella."

"Look, I'm sorry. I really am. But you've already lost me." I looked Edward in the eyes and I saw genuine pain. But I couldn't give in. "You don't know just how long eight months is until you've lived them in the same agony I did. And you did that to me. I refuse to let you put me back in that place. To me, it's not worth the kissing or the sex. Jake can't come back to take it all away again; this was a one-time-only thing. So I'm gonna have to say no."

"What would it take to change your mind?"

"I can't be convinced. Not this time, Edward."

"I wish you could understand."

"Oh, I understand," I said, my voice rising slightly. "I understand that you're probably lying to me right now. That this is all probably another mind game, a ruse just to torture me back into the fragile and agonizing state I was finally stolen from. You just can't handle me being over you, can you?"

"Bella, if you only knew…"

"That's just it!" I screamed, standing up. "I don't want to know!"

"I should've known this wouldn't work…" Edward muttered, standing up too.

"You got that right."

"Bella, I'm not playing games with you! What's it gonna take to make you see that?"

"There's nothing you can do, Edward! Nothing! You've screwed up!"

"I am telling you! This is real! You're just scared that I might actually wanna be with you!"

"And why would that scare me?"

"Because you wanna be with me too."

"Keep stroking your own ego. That dream was gone weeks ago."

"You're lying. I can see it in your eyes."

"Stop it," I whimpered, tears starting to well up in my eyes.

Edward took another step toward me and took my hands in his. "I can't. Not until you believe me."

"Please," I begged, the tears streaming now, "don't do this to me. Not now."

"What's so different about now for you?"

"Jacob is what's different, Edward! You hurt me and he fixed it! If you were serious about me, you would've done something about it a long time ago and you wouldn't have played games in the time in between!"

"Bella, _all guys are stupid_! And if you haven't noticed, I'm one of the biggest idiots you will ever meet and this is why!"

"You think I haven't figured out you're an idiot? Trust me, I have!"

"Then why can't you see that this is no joke? I'm an idiot, Bella! I never haven't been! I'm stupid for confusing you, I'm stupid for all the games I played, I'm stupid for giving you up to Jack, I'm stupid for letting you go! I'm just stupid, don't you see?"

I looked deep into Edward's eyes just then. It was now or never. If there was a time to search his soul for any sign of truth, it was now. And when I looked, I found the truth. It was in the very words he spoke.

I smiled as the tears trickled down my face. "You really are a dumbass. You know that, right?"

He smiled too and laughed a small laugh. "Right."

Then he leaned in and tilted my chin up to him. I braced myself for the butterflies that we unleashed when we kissed. Edward secured his arms around my waist as he lifted me up and sent everything on the kitchen counter flying towards the wall before setting me on it. He kissed me urgently, almost violently. And I was loving every second of it. He reached his hands up to the top of my blouse and, with one swift movement, tore it open completely, popping every single button off in the process. I did the same with his, surprising myself with how easily I was able to do it. We made out for what seemed like forever before we finally made it upstairs.

He laid me down on his bed just like before but gentler this time. He gently kissed the bruise he had left on my neck that morning and stroked my thigh. I shivered with excitement as he trailed kisses down from my neck to my chest. I thought I was ready. I thought I was ready for what was about to happen, but when Edward began to fumble with the abrupt removal of my jeans, I knew it was time to stop.

"Edward," I said, out of breath, "wait."

He moaned in response against my neck. I lifted his face up to look at me and wriggled myself out from under him so that I could sit up. I first looked around for my shirt, but turned my attention back to Edward when I realized it had never even made it upstairs.

"Maybe we shouldn't…"

"Why not?" he whispered. "I mean, no one's home and I have a condom-"

"That's not it," I sighed.

"Then what is it?" he asked, taking my hand. I didn't answer right away, so he squeezed my hand ever-so-slightly. "You don't have to be scared."

"I know that," I told him. "But it's more complicated than that. Edward, I just don't want this for myself. I don't wanna be the next girl whose heart you break or the next girlfriend who gets cheated on. And I will _not_ be your whore."

"I would never do that to you. I swear on my life."

"You're only human," I said. "It's not necessarily a choice you make ahead of time. But it happens every day. And I want my first time to be with my husband."

"Your husband?"

I nodded. "Yes. I can't give up my virginity to you, Edward. That's something I could never part with."

He finally backed off. "I understand. Bella, I just want you to be happy, whatever choice you make."

"Well, I've made it. And I'm happy. I just hope this doesn't change your mind."

"Of course not."

I smiled. "Thank you."


	15. Just Learning

It was midnight. I was lying in Edward's bed with Edward right beside me. We both had smiles on our faces and I noticed that, for once, he looked genuinely happy. It was the sort of happiness that would make Angel lose his soul. And it blew my mind to come to the realization that I could create that in him.

"Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"And you promise you tell me the God honest truth?"

He laughed. "I swear on my own grave."

"Why did you lie about La Push?"

"Even knowing what you now know, you still can't put the pieces together?"

"No… I can… I think. But I want to be sure."

He hesitated. "I really was going to take you home that night. Cross my heart. But when you walked away from me, I lied to get you to stay. I lied so that you would come with me. I knew that you'd figure it out eventually, but I intended to cross that bridge when I got to it. You know, make shit up as I went. But I had no idea that you'd leave on your own when you figured it out."

"I really wish you had said something. Back when it wasn't so complicated."

"Well, that's what you can expect from a sixteen-year-old coward. Like I said, I was stupid."

"You know, Ron White always told me that you can't fix stupid."

"Well, male stupid and _stupid_ stupid are two different types of stupid. One can be outgrown and the other cannot."

"And what about the first night of 'rehearsal'? Did you deliberately tell me that we had practice when we didn't? And if so, why?"

He sighed. "Yes. I did. And I did it because I wanted to be with you."

"And did you start ripping off your tie and rolling up your sleeves and unbuttoning your shirt to turn me on?"

Edward smirked. "Did it work?"

"Yes."

"Good."

"And there's one more thing."

"What's that?"

"I know you were driving by my house at night. And you were doing it in hopes of getting a glimpse of me."

"Guilty as charged."

I smiled. "God, I wish you had said something. I wish you had _done_ something. It would've changed everything."

"I know," he said, kissing my forehead. "And I'm gonna have to live with that forever. That's the price I pay." He paused. "Can I ask _you_ something?"

"Shoot."

"What made you make the decision to not have sex?"

I hesitated. "Why?"

"I'm curious."

"You want to, don't you?"

"I will never take advantage of you. Ever."

"I know," I whispered. "It's just that… I've seen so many girls get hurt because they have sex with guys that they think they're gonna be with forever. And it's usually because those guys are nothing but predators looking for young, stupid, naïve girls that will give it up to any guy that says 'I love you'. I just don't wanna get hurt like that. It's not that I'm morally against premarital sex; I mean, I was raised by parents who have told me that it's okay as long as it's safe sex. But I'd just rather have that security of having that experience with someone who won't leave me in the morning."

"I wouldn't leave you," he whispered.

"I know you wouldn't. But it still scares me. Just the whole idea…"

"I told you before that you didn't have to be scared."

"I try not to be, but I'm gonna be honest. I think you scare me just as much as I scare you."

"Then how about this… we'll wait until you're ready."

"I don't know how long it'll take."

"It doesn't matter. As long as I'm with you, that's all I really care about. You know that, right?"

I smiled. "I think I'm just learning."

And with that, I closed my eyes and fell asleep with my head on Edward's chest.


	16. A New Scenario

When I woke up, Edward was gone. I got up and tied my hair back. Then I went to Edward's bathroom and used his toothbrush to brush my teeth. When I walked downstairs, I saw that Edward had already made coffee and it was still hot on the counter. I held the cup in my hand as I read a note that he left next to the coffee.

_Bella,_

_I ran to the thrift store. I'll be back before you can finish that coffee._

_Edward_

I set the note back on the counter and patiently waited for Edward to get back. He kept his word and walked through the door just as I was finishing the last drop. He came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me, setting his chin on my shoulder.

"Sorry I had to split," he said, kissing my neck.

"What'd you need from the thrift store that we didn't get yesterday?"

"Condoms."

"Edward…"

"I know, Bella. I just wanted to make sure that we have them when it happens. They'll stay put away until we need them. I promise."

"Okay," I breathed. "We've got until noon. What do you wanna do?"

"We could go see a movie if you wanted to."

"Before noon?"

"Sure. Or we could go to the hospital and check up on Collin, and then we could see a movie later tonight."

"Yeah, that sounds good."

When we got to the hospital, we went straight to Collin's room. He was off most of the machines he had been on before. He was breathing on his own, so that was a good sign. But he still hadn't woken up.

"Hey, Collin," I said cheerfully, sitting down next to him. He didn't move an inch. "We brought so you some flowers and a magazine to read when you wake up." Edward came up behind me and put his hands on my shoulders, squeezing them. I smiled. "And I brought Edward with me."

"I'll wait outside," he whispered in my ear before leaving me alone with Collin.

When Edward was out of sight, I took Collin's hand in mine. "I know it seems weird and mediocre on my part, but he makes me happy. No, what I feel when I'm with him is nothing like what I felt when I was with Jacob, but it's just as strong." I sighed. "I can just imagine what you must be thinking. It's stupid and reckless… it's something that I swore I would never do… and I know that I'll probably get hurt. But that's life, you know? I get that I'm downgrading, settling for less than the best. And you're probably screaming profanities at me from wherever you are. But there's some part of me that has my nerves and emotions completely at ease, like this part of me knows something that the logical and sensible part doesn't.

"Is it wrong to say that I still wish Jacob was here? That he was with me? That I'd rather it be him kissing me instead of Edward?" I sighed again. "It's probably because he did so many things to hurt me before this. And it still clouds my judgment and my feelings. But Jacob…" I whispered his name, smiling. "Jacob liked me fearlessly and irrevocably. And even though he wasn't with me for very long, my mind will always flash back to his face when I think about kissing or falling fifteen feet in like. It sounds horrible and unfaithful, but it's what I feel. And it's more confusing than I'd like." I laid my head down on his hand. "God, I wish you were here to tell me what to do. To tell me that, with time, my feelings will make sense.

"But Jacob's gone now. And he isn't coming back. So that's my cue to move on. Every girl has this same thing happen in her life and the only solution is to move on. That's the way it's always been and that's how it has to be now. I can accept it. I found out the fateful roles we had in each other's lives. I gave Jake that little nudge he needed to carry on a relationship successfully and he…" I paused, coming to a realization. "…healed my heart."

I knocked furiously on Alice's bedroom door. When she opened it, I almost body-slammed her onto the bed.

"Bella, what the hell?" she shrieked. "You scared the fuck out of me!"

I crossed my legs and began rubbing my temples. "I just got back from the hospital."

"Did Collin wake up?" she asked hopefully.

"No. But I was talking to him and… oh God, Alice…"

"What is it?" Her eyes widened. "Does it have something to do with Edward?"

"And Jacob."

"Okay, spill."

"You know how Jake's role in all this was to rid me of Edward and cleanse me of all that pain I was feeling?"

"Yeah, and you helped him get his groove back."

"Right. Well, I think I may have been a little off…"

"You _don't_ think you helped him get his groove back?"

"No, I do… but I think his purpose was a little bit more complex than just to rid me of Edward's pain. Alice, what if he got rid of all my feelings for Edward and the pain he caused so that we could have a clean slate?"

"Meaning…?"

"My feelings could come back the right way and there would be no pain… ugh, but that doesn't make sense! There is no clean slate here! These feelings haven't left and the pain-"

"Is gone?"

"Yes, but…"

"I think I get what you're saying. Bella, do you remember when you talked to Edward on Facebook and he said all of those horrible things and you weren't even angry at him for it?"

"Yeah… and?"

"Well, I think that may have been his role. To make you feel peace again, and therefore lessening your anger towards him and softening your heart so that you could eventually be together. I mean, what if Edward opened up about his feelings and Jacob had never come? Do you really think you wouldn't be bitter towards him?"

"I guess you're right…"

"But there's another scenario you have to consider. His purpose _was_, indeed, to get rid of Edward completely and you are totally undoing what he did as we speak… which is very stupid in my opinion, but hey, I could be wrong."

"No… no, you're right. Definitely right… about those being the only scenarios. I just really hope the first one is it."

"So do I. And hopefully, it is."

I was filled with uncertainty. Then I got the feeling it was time to test my own role.

"Alice, let me see your laptop."

She immediately handed her computer over to me. I opened it up and logged onto Facebook. And sure enough, the first thing on my news feed was exactly what I had always hoped for.

"Bella, what is it?"

"I really did help him get his groove back," I told her, smiling.

"You did?"

"Yeah. It says so right here: 'Jacob Black is in a relationship with Irina Charleson'. And that means two things. One, I helped him get his groove back and two, it would've been me. If I lived as close to him as she did, it would be my name right there," I said, pointing at the screen.

"Well, that's one confirmation-"

"If things work out with Edward, then your theory is correct. If not, then I've just screwed myself over by throwing away one of the greatest gifts anyone has ever given me."

"What Jake did really meant something to you, didn't it?"

"Of course it did, Alice. It's not every day that some knight in shining armor comes around to save you from the worst pain you've ever had to bear for so long that you couldn't remember what it was like to actually be genuinely happy. So if I've just willfully handed myself over to a guy that's gonna hurt me, then I might as well have just turned back time and never gone to the Clearwaters."

"Then I hope you made the right choice."

"I know," I said unsurely. "Me too."


	17. Right Hook

After the movie that night, Edward drove me home. When we pulled up in my driveway, I didn't wanna get out. I wanted to stay there in that Volvo with him forever. But I resisted and we got out of the car. Edward walked me to the door and kissed me goodnight before I went inside.

That night, I stayed up thinking about things. I hoped and prayed that I wasn't making a huge mistake by being with Edward. The last thing I wanted to do was destroy all the happiness and peace Jake had left with me. But there was still that part of me- and it seemed to constantly be growing- that fully trusted Edward and everything he promised me. My gut was telling me that everything was in its place and I had absolutely nothing to worry about. However, there was always that stubborn nerve that was always assuming that something was gonna go wrong because my life couldn't _possibly_ be this convenient.

So I chose to ignore that irrational, stubborn nerve. Edward, I knew, wouldn't hurt me. I was confident; I knew it in my heart that he wouldn't. And we all know that my heart hasn't let me down yet.

I fled down the stairs Saturday morning in a hurry. Renee, Charlie, Ben, and Seth, all looked up at me like I was some sort of freak. I quickly piled on the pancakes and loaded them up with syrup and began stuffing my face. I felt like I hadn't eaten in years. I looked at my family, who stared back with blank looks.

"What?"

"You seem to be in a bit of a rush."

"Well, Dad, I'm hungry."

"No, no…" he said, wagging a finger at me. "I know better. What have you got going on today?"

"Oh, I was just planning on spending the day with Ed-" I had to quickly save myself. "Alice."

"Alice, huh?" Charlie said, taking a sip of his coffee.

"Yes, Dad. Alice."

"So, uh… what are you guys planning on doing?"

"Oh, I don't know. Probably hit another movie, go to Starbucks, then the Bronze."

"Cool," he said casually. "Sounds like a lot of the things you would do with a guy."

My heart jumped into my throat. I didn't say a word as I went around the corner into the dining room. I heard Charlie coming and the moment he set foot in the dining room, I threw my forearm across his middle, stopping him dead in his tracks.

"Okay, what do you know?" I asked lowly, too low for Seth to be able to hear me.

"What are you talking about?"

"I think you know exactly what I'm talking about. What do you know?"

"About what?"

"I'm not in the mood, Dad. Speak now."

"Okay, how about this? I know about you and Edward."

"How did you find out?" I asked, eyes widening.

"You just threw yourself under the bus," he said, grinning proudly.

I stared at him for a moment and then glared before punching him in the arm. "You suck."

Then Charlie went through the other end of the dining room and I went the opposite direction, coming face to face with Seth. _Fuck my life._

"So now you're cheating on Jacob?" he accused.

I groaned and grabbed him by the arm, pulling him out the door. "Okay," I began, irritated, "what the hell is wrong with you? And how do you know about Jacob?"

"Leah told me everything."

"That bitch," I muttered.

"She's nine. Calm the fuck down."

"Don't tell me how to feel!" I growled. "First of all, I'm not with Jacob. I never was-"

"That's not what Leah said."

"It was a fling, Seth. Two nights. That's it. It's not like either of us planned it. Hell, I didn't even wanna be there!"

"Yeah, and neither did he. Leah knew more than you think. And I would just like to be the first to say that I don't understand a word of what went on that night."

"And you don't need to." Then I sighed, knowing he was too stubborn to let it go if I didn't tell him everything right then. "Okay, look. We met, we flirted, we kissed, we had a fling, he left, I cried, I got over it, he got with Irina, I got with Edward, everyone wins, end of story."

"How far did you let him get?"

"Like that's any of your fucking business! Step the fuck off!"

"What? Are you ashamed?" I could tell he would love that.

"You only wish."

"Then what's keeping you from talking?"

"Umm, let's see… you're fourteen, my sex- my _personal_ life has nothing to do with you, and you and I are not on that good of terms."

"What are you afraid of? Me?"

"Don't you do that," I warned. "Don't ever patronize me. And please, take a hint! There is nothing you can do or say that will change my feelings."

Seth's face fell drastically.

I sighed. "Look, I hate being blunt and straight with you, but that seems to be the only thing that will get this through your head. I'm sorry."

"Please just give me a base number?" he pouted.

I groaned. "Two and three quarters. Satisfied?"

"Yup," he beamed.

I rolled my eyes as my cell phone began to ring. It was Edward.

"Que pasa?"

"I'm on my way to pick you up."

I smiled. "I'll be waiting."

I closed my phone and ran upstairs to pack my backpack-purse. In it, I put my hand cream, car keys, wallet, Midol, and a single Trojan that I stole from my mom's dresser… just in case. I threw it on my back and headed out my window. I climbed down the gutter right outside my window until the waistline of my jeans got caught on a pulled back piece of metal from the gutter. I had to stall as I struggled to unlatch my jeans from the gutter… but then I fell. I let out a small shriek as I fell onto something. And that something was Edward. I lifted my head from his chest and looked down at him.

"Hey, baby. What's shakin'?" he said, nodding and smiling.

"My brain," I answered with a groan, rubbing my head. "When did you get here?"

"Just now. I had a feeling you'd be using the window, so I thought I'd watch. Good thing I did, huh?"

"You have no idea."

Then he lifted his hand up to move the hair from my face before kissing me softly. Slowly, he deepened the kiss into what felt like a fiery inferno ready to consume us both. He rolled us over in the grass and put himself on top of me, kissing me urgently. I smiled under his lips.

"Maybe we should get out of here…" I whispered. "We might get caught."

He moaned against my neck as his hand trailed up my thigh, causing me to moan too. "What were you saying?"

"Just shut up and kiss me," I said through gritted teeth.

After more making out in the grass, we were stopped by the clearing of someone's throat. Edward and I froze, our lips still together. The only thing that had changed was that our eyes were now wide open. We slowly turned our heads to see Seth and Ben standing there.

"Oh my God," Ben said slowly.

"Ben!" I exclaimed, Edward and I scrambling to get up.

"You guys looked comfortable," Ben chuckled as Seth stood there seething.

"What are you guys doing out here?" I asked.

"What?" Seth pushed. "This is a free show, isn't it, Bella?"

My eyes widened and Edward shot up off the ground. "You calling her a whore?" he demanded.

"Now, wait a second," Seth said casually. "Isn't there a difference between being a whore and being _your_ whore?"

"That's it!" Edward shouted as he made a beeline for Seth and punched him square in the face.

"Edward!" I screamed as Ben just stood there, wide-eyed. I knew Seth was tough and he could hold his own in a regular fight, but this was Edward. Edward would impale him.

They both stood up and began throwing punches. Seth punched Edward a few times and Edward punched Seth a few times. But Edward had the upper hand.

"Stop it!" I yelled. "Both of you! Knock it off!" I tried to get between them, but that only led to me taking Seth's fist to the eye instead of Edward. I clutched my left eye and backed up from the fight. It stung like a bitch. Edward immediately backed off long enough to make sure I was okay (which I was) and then went back to beating the living shit out of Seth on my behalf. I decided to not try to throw myself between them and, instead, grabbed Edward by the shoulder with one hand and around the waist with the other and tried to pull him off of Seth, who he had pummeled into the ground. Finally, I was able to pull him up and stand in front of him as Seth got up and resumed his fighting stance.

"You've got some real issues, man," Seth said, blood pouring from his broken nose. His eye was already black.

"Issues? First, you tell all your little junior high school buddies that you slept with her, then you call her a whore and then you deck her in the face! You had it coming and you know it!"

"Edward, stop," I said calmly.

"No!" he screamed. "He can't hit you and then walk away without taking a very long nap!"

"Edward, we have a friend in the hospital who's already taking a very long nap. Let's try to keep the number of comas to a minimum."

Edward stood there, seething.

"Edward," I said again. "Let's go somewhere. I'll drive if you want me to."

I took his hand and led him through the gate from the backyard to the driveway. As we walked past Ben and Seth, Edward stopped and pointed a finger at Seth. "I don't wanna see you around here ever again. You stay away from this house and you stay away from Bella. If you and Ben wanna see each other, meet at your house or someplace that's away from here and away from Bella. But if I ever see you around here again, I will not hesitate to put you down like a dog. Understand?"

Seth didn't respond. He just glared murderously at Edward, which meant that he comprehended every word. I pulled Edward along and we made it to the Volvo without incident. We stopped in front of the car.

"Give me your keys," I said, holding out my hand.

"Why?"

"Edward, you know I love it when you drive fast." I paused. "90 fast, at least. But you're 120 mad right now and you're likely to get us killed. So I'll drive until you chill, okay?"

He handed me the keys. "You're eye looks really bad."

"I figured it might. He had a mean right hook."

"Baby, I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's my fault."

"No, it isn't! The kid deserves to die! I always knew I'd end up hating him for more than just telling his friends that he had sex with you."

"Edward, he doesn't deserve to die."

"Okay, maybe not die, but he deserves to be sterile."

I laughed.

Then I climbed into the driver's side and he into the passenger's. Then I pulled out of the driveway and we left.


	18. I Love You

By noon, I was lying in his arms on his bed… fully clothed, mind you. He ran his fingers gently up my back as I ran my hand up and down his chest under his open shirt.

"Bella?" he said.

"Hmm?"

"What did you think of me when we first met?"

"Ha!" I laughed. "I thought you were rude, obnoxious, repulsive, gross, mean, and a total boy. But at the same time, I thought you were nice when you wanted to be, loyal, responsible, suave, and funny." I sighed. "But I never imagined that, two years from then, it would be like this."

"I definitely didn't see it coming." He paused. "Tell me about Jacob."

I hesitated. "I thought we already had this conversation."

"Yeah, but not in-depth."

"Okay, what do you wanna know?"

"Everything. And I want you to be blunt-honest with me, okay?"

"Okay…"

"What was he like?"

"Charming, attractive, the usual."

"Did he try anything further than second base?"

"Yes."

"Did you let him in?"

"Almost. But no."

"So you didn't have sex?"

"Edward, you know we didn't."

"Did you want to?"

I sighed. "Yes."

"Where would you have done it?"

"The back of his car."

"How do you know?"

"While we were making out, we were up against his car. Besides, there was no way we could've possibly made it downstairs without either being caught or walked in on."

"Okay, okay," Edward said, giving up. "Say no more."

"What? You can't handle it? You can't handle hearing about past flings of mine?"

"Alright, I'll admit it… I'm jealous."

I smiled and kissed his lips once. "Don't be."

Then I got up.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"Well, we can't lie in bed all day. We've got a summer to take advantage of."

"We have our boat in the garage. I could hook it up to the back of my dad's truck and we could take it to the lake and… have some fun."

"That sounds perfect. Let's leave now."

Edward smiled as he got up and we hooked up the boat. We left for the lake and spent the entire day on his boat. I typically wore a one-piece bathing suit, but I figured I'd treat Edward to the sexier side of me. So I went in my cutest bikini.

And that's what we did everyday for the next month. Every single morning, Edward would pick me up just as the sun was barely beginning to rise. Then we'd spend the whole day together. And, for once, I was truly happy. Edward and I grew closer in that month than we ever would have as friends. I came to know him on deeper levels than Tanya or Jane could've ever dreamed.

And it was lying there on the floor of that boat, in the arms of my lover, that I realized all this. It was that day, in the middle of July, that he leaned in to my hair and breathed it in like it was his air. Then he brought his lips slowly to my ear and whispered.

"I love you."

I turned to look at him as if he had said nothing at all. Then I wore a small smile. "I love you, too."

He kissed my lips before kissing my forehead tenderly and I fell asleep in his arms. This was where I belonged. And this was the Edward that I had been waiting for all this time. The one without fear. All the stars aligned and I felt completely at peace for the first time in a long time…

Until my cell phone rang.

And little did I know that the call from the other end would be what brought all of that to screeching halt.


	19. Lifeless

EPOV

I watched from the other end of the boat as the phone slipped out of Bella's hand. It took forever for it to hit the floor. It felt like everything was happening in slow-motion. But as soon as it did, it sounded like a sonic boom. Then Bella turned around and made a run in my direction, tears streaming down her face. But she wasn't looking at me; I wasn't her destination. She was gonna jump overboard. So I threw myself in front of her and took her down. She sobbed as she fought me off and I could tell that something was very wrong.

"Bella, please calm down!" I screamed over her sobs.

"LET ME GO! I HAVE TO BE WITH HIM!" She struggled against me as I tried my best to hold on to her. "TURN THE BOAT AROUND, EDWARD! I HAVE TO BE WITH HIM!"

I was positive that her screams could be heard from across the lake. And it didn't take her long to escape my hold and dive into the water before I could stop her. Out of breath, I let her go; there was nothing I could do about it. Bella had made up her mind and there was no stopping her. So glanced back at her still-open cell phone on the floor of the boat. I picked it up and put it to my ear.

"Alice?"

"Edward? Where's Bella?"

"You tell me! She just jumped off the boat and I have no fucking clue what's going on!"

"Edward, I think she's coming here."

"Where the hell are you?" I bellowed.

"At the hospital. Collin just died."

I fell silent. I closed the phone, disconnecting the line, and sat down on the floor of the boat. But I didn't cry. Instead, I closed my and prayed for the first time in months. I didn't pray for Collin; there was no doubt in my mind that he was far safer now than he would be alive. I prayed that Bella would make it. Wherever she was going, I prayed that she'd make it.

BPOV

I was still damp when I made it through the doors of the hospital. I mashed the upward button for the elevator, but had no intention of waiting long than two seconds for one to open before I sprinted to the stairs. When I got to the hallway on which Collin's hospital room was, I hid behind the corner and watched Collin's family and Alice leave. Despair lingered up and down that entire hallway. As they walked by, Alice caught sight of me. I only had to look at her for her to know better than to make my presence known. I watched as they all gathered in the elevator and, once the door closed, I made deathwalk to the end of the hallway where Collin's room was. It felt like the entire hallway was being stretched out dramatically; it felt like hours before I made it to the door.

When I opened the door and entered the room, I didn't hesitate to look at Collin's lifeless body lying there. He was so pale and so skinny from spending over a month in a coma. And he was so still. I wept as I walked over to him, completely ignoring the chair I had spent countless hours sitting in over the last month. I laid down on the bed right next to Collin. I huddled next to him and I cried myself to sleep against his chest.


	20. Pain

At some point through the night, I felt myself being moved. My eyes opened slightly and I was able to consciously acknowledge that it was Edward carrying me. I knew we were leaving the hospital, and it was no surprise to me when I felt myself being laid down on his bed later on. As the minutes passed, I found myself growing more and more awake. But I was dead inside. I spent what felt like hours lying on my side in Edward's bed with his arms around me, my eyes wide open. He was awake too. I could feel it.

"Edward?" I whispered.

"Yeah, baby?"

"What happens now?"

He paused. "I talked to Collin's parents. I'm helping them arrange the funeral."

"When is it?"

"Tuesday morning. They wanna have visitation the day after tomorrow from three to nine."

"You aren't ushering, are you?"

"No. I'll be with you."

I sighed with slight relief. "Good. Did you call my parents?"

"Yes. I told them you were spending the night here."

"Charlie didn't threaten you, did he?"

"No. Of course, I didn't give him a reason."

"You got lucky. The chief of police usually doesn't need a reason."

"Are you okay?"

"No, Edward. I'm not okay. I'm not okay at all."

"Please tell me what I can do."

"Just hold me."

He seemed to have no problem doing that. I laid on my other side, facing him. I buried my face in his chest and finally fell asleep again.

When I woke up, it was Monday afternoon. I had slept through an entire day and a half. Edward was standing in his boxers across the room, his back towards me. I supposed that he didn't think I'd wake up while he was getting dressed. I watched as he pulled on his nice pants and tucked in his white button down shirt. Then he put on his socks and his formal shoes. He slung his tie around his neck and left it untied as he put on his cufflinks. As I watched all of this, it amazed me that I had actually seen it before. I remembered the first night he drove me home from our non-rehearsal during the musical. Although he was putting _on_ his attire instead of ripping it off in front of me, I still thought he was the most beautiful thing in my life.

And it ripped at my heart to realize that the way he looked right at that moment was the exact same appearance he maintained that night. But the purpose was totally different this time. He wasn't dressed like this for his job. He wasn't dressed like this for some nobody's funeral. He wasn't even dressed like this to turn me on. No, not this time. This time, it was because we were in pain. I was hurting because one of my oldest, dearest friends had just died, and he was hurting because I was hurting. He and Collin had never really cared for each other, but Edward loved me and that was enough for him to do this.

I got up quietly and he turned around just as I was walking towards him. I smiled at him as I took his tie and began tying it for him.

"You're mom came by about an hour ago and dropped off a black dress for you," he said. "And she had your black church sandals and your make-up bag too. She went ahead to visitation. I told her we'd be there in a little bit. So you can go ahead and get a shower if you want."

I nodded and silently walked over to Edward's bathroom, closing the door behind me.

On our way there, we were both very quiet. We didn't hold hands or talk or even look at each other. During visitation, we stayed by each other, but we didn't speak or cry or pay attention to anything around us. Girls from the youth group showed up. There was even a moment when one started sobbing uncontrollably, causing a chain reaction amongst the rest. It was heartbreaking. I had Edward drive me home that night and I slept alone for the first time in what felt like forever. Then there was the funeral procession the next morning. It rained. Edward stood next to me as we buried Collin, holding the umbrella over the both of us.

As the casket was lowered, I began to cry silently for the first time since the night he died. When he was finally laid to rest, I wound my arm through Edward's and leaned my head on his shoulder. This was the first time we had touched each other in about a day or so. And whatever pain I was feeling at that moment… it wasn't the end. But it felt like it was the right thing for both of us.

I let Edward lead me to his Volvo and he helped me inside before he got in himself. I really wished that he hadn't. It just made everything harder. We rode in silence like the day before and didn't hold hands. But I kept glancing at him. He had a hard look on his face, one that told me he might know what I was about to do. And I hated it.

So when we pulled up in my driveway, the two of us sat there for a few minutes wordlessly. It was painfully drawn out, so I knew it was time to end it.

"Edward," I sighed, "I think we need a break."

He shot his head in my direction, obviously taken aback. I guess he hadn't seen it coming. "Why?"

"This has all been too much for me. I mean, who were we trying to fool? All of this came about because of Collin-"

"Wait a minute, so you think Collin is the reason we got together? Bella, I got with you because I love you! I didn't know this had anything to do with Collin!"

I sighed. "That's not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean?"

"I don't know! Maybe! Maybe I really did get with you because I was upset over Collin! And maybe now that he's gone, I don't want this relationship anymore!" I sighed again. "I just don't know."

"I know you don't mean that."

"You're right. I don't. At least… I don't think so. I'm not sure of anything anymore, Edward. It's just that this whole thing with Collin has me really messed up right now. And that's why I think we need a break."

"How long?" he asked quietly.

"I don't know. The rest of the summer." I looked at him. "Maybe longer."

He looked at me. "It's up to you." I could see pain. And tears were coming. I could see it in his eyes. "I love you, Bella."

A tear escaped my eye at the same time a tear escaped his. I cupped his cheek in my hand and wiped away the tear. Then I leaned in and kissed him as passionately as I could, crying at the same time. Then I broke away from him and stepped out into the rain. I shut the door and flew into the house, shutting the door behind me. I sobbed as leaned back against the now closed door and slid down until I hit the floor.

EPOV

As I watched her run away, tears began streaming down my face. It was the worst pain I had ever felt. I felt like I had just been ripped in two and she was leaving me to die. When the front door shut, I sobbed uncontrollably and rested my forehead on the steering wheel in defeat, letting the pain take me over completely.


	21. Portland Lights

When I heard the knock on the door, I finished hairspraying my hair and left the handset next to Ben as he played the Wii.

"Please, for the love of _God_, answer the phone if it rings."

Renee had pitched a bitch fit and almost called the cops because Ben has a nasty habit of sleeping in till two in the afternoon, so when she tried to call from work, he was so out that he didn't wake up until, after about twenty-six calls, she called Gran to break into the house and _wake him up_. After that, she wouldn't let me leave the house for days, scared out of her mind to let Ben stay home alone. Needless to say, I pummeled the brat for ruining my life and swore to him that if he didn't start answering the phone, I'd neuter him myself.

"Yeah, I will."

I rolled my eyes at his empty words and went downstairs to meet Alice at the door. We went out to her Porsche and rode to the mall, just to walk around.

"Have you talked to Edward lately?" I asked her warily.

"Yeah, he calls me sometimes. Just to see how you're doing. He'll never admit it, but he's scared to contact you."

"I guess because he knows I won't answer."

"You should, you know." She gave me a hard look. "That boy spent a long time spinning you in circles, sending you mixed signals, never sure if he should let you know or let you guess. But he finally decided to let you know and I'm telling you. He is head over heels in love with you. Isn't this what you wanted?"

"Do I have to remind you of what he did? God, Alice! He lied to me, he called me names, he said the most horrible things that I would think about for weeks. _He hurt me_."

"But then Jacob came along and now you can't feel that hurt, can you?"

"No… but I remember it just fine!"

"It sounds to me like you're trying to justify breaking up with him. You use past infractions as an excuse for leaving him, but you and I both know that none of that has anything to do with what you did. You know why? Because once something like what happened with Jacob happens, the pain that gets erased can't be revived. Ever. Not unless Edward was to do it all over again, which he hasn't. So I guess the real reason you did it remains to be seen. I mean, if it makes you feel so guilty, then why did you do it?"

"Because it felt like the right thing to do. I mean, I was a wreck after Collin died. I'm _still_ a wreck! Edward shouldn't have to deal with that. That's why I said we needed a break."

"If you were grieving, you should've _leaned_ on him, not pushed him away! God, Bella! What the hell is wrong with you? He works for a fuckin' coroner! I'm pretty damn sure he can handle your grief! What about Laura? When you were sitting in the lobby, inconsolable, who was with you?"

"That's different. We all knew she was gonna die. She wasn't a young boy getting ripped out of life before he barely had a chance to live it, Alice. We knew, at 101, her time was up."

"And didn't you lean on Jack a little bit too? If I remember correctly, he offered to go to the funeral with you too. And you were able to start a relationship with him."

"Again, that's different."

"No, it isn't. You're just trying to justify dumping him."

I flinched. "Alice… please, God… don't use that word. I hate that."

"Well, that's what it was, Bella. From the way you described it," she said, looking away from me and using her hands, "it was just a big, huge, massive _dumping_."

I rolled my eyes. "So what exactly does he ask you?"

"If you're happy. If you're okay, if you've said anything about him, if you're dating anybody. But he never seems to ask the question that I know he really wants to ask. And that's if you still love him." She stared at me for a really long time. "Do you?"

"Yes," I said quietly. "And I always will. But I'm not taking him back. At least, not any time soon. I don't regret going on a break; I think it should be good for us. Besides, you know what they say. 'If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, then you know it's forever.'"

"Damn it, Bella! He's been trying to come back for three weeks now!"

I shook my head. "No, he hasn't. He's been trying to keep tabs on me through you. That's not trying to come back." I stood up. "We need to go. I've got packing to do. I'm leaving in about eleven hours to go to Florida."

"I still don't understand this leaving at three in the morning deal."

"Well, our plane takes off at 4:30. Besides, we like to see the Portland lights. They're pretty."

Despite how early we got to Portland the next morning, we were still almost late boarding our plane. Renee and Charlie had saved up five years worth of vacation money for first-class tickets for each of us _and_ an epic suite in one of Orlando's best resorts. So I actually enjoyed my flight for once. Not having to sit in coach was great. But I had a feeling that the flight was gonna be the highlight of my vacation. I knew what it would be like at this resort; I could picture it perfectly in my head. The pool would be crowded full of teenagers and so would the beach. I hated that. The last time we went on vacation, and every time before that, we went to a small unit with only two bedrooms, one TV, and a pull-out couch. Sure, it was small, but we usually had the entire pool to ourselves and the beach was completely deserted. There was hardly anyone there. And that made it peaceful and beautiful. I had even witnessed a wedding on that beach. But here I was, on my way to some crack house resort full of rowdy, horny teenagers. Fuck my life.

When we landed, we checked in at the resort and unpacked our stuff. I looked out the window down to the pool. Atrocious. Like I had imagined, it was swarming with teens, most of them being older guys. Seventeen, maybe eighteen. I shook my head while simultaneously rolling my eyes and sat down in the wicker armchair with a Buffy the Vampire Slayer book. Renee came up to me.

"Why aren't you outside, Bells?"

I shrugged. "No reason to be."

She leaned over and looked out the window. "Oh, I see lots of cute boys… and they seem to outnumber the girls. You'd definitely attract more than one."

I huffed, turning the page. "Mom, I am not here for boys. I came to have a nice, peaceful, quiet time."

"Why don't you go down and mingle with some people your own age. Be a kid! Have some fun! Kiss someone today!"

"Not interested. I've had my fill."

"Ugh, Bella…"

"Ugh, Mom," I mimicked.

"Why won't you talk to me? What happened with Edward?"

"We just needed a break, okay?"

She looked at me for a long time. "Okay."

Then she got up and left me alone. I got up and looked out the window one more time, just out of curiosity that maybe something would change my mind. Nope. So I read a few more chapters of Buffy and then decided to take a walk on the beach. It was during the last few minutes of sunlight, so there weren't too many people on the beach. Most of them were attracted to the idea of night swimming in the pool.

I made sure to take my iPod with me to refrain from immense boredom, but I couldn't shake the empty feeling in my chest. As I stood by the shore, there was nothing that I wanted more than for Edward to be with me, holding me. It didn't even have to be Edward. I just wanted someone to be with me, even if it was for a moment.


	22. Beginning of the End

I pushed my way through the crowded deck next to the swimming pool. There seemed to be more kids there than usual. And boy, were they a pain in my ass. The loud music was giving me a headache, I was getting claustrophobic, my bikini had an itchy tag in it, and I kept smelling this familiar scent that was bugging the shit out of me. And the worst part was that Renee had locked me out of our room, compelling me to interact with people down here. It sucked ass. So I slid into the pool slyly without incident and just waded. Sure, it sucked, but at least it was roomier in there than it was on the deck.

So I took this "quiet" time to think. After this week was over, I had two weeks left until school started back. That was efficient time to do all the annual events I did every summer. That included pulling all-nighters, writing my own soap operas, _watching_ my soap operas… it was time to get it together. Then I began wondering about school starting again. This was gonna be my junior year. I had let Edward fuck up my sophomore year, but this year was gonna be different, by God. I wanted to make amazing grades, preferably boyfriend-less, and with as much ease as possible.

But my thoughts were popped like soap bubbles as someone jumped into the pool, landing mere centimeters from me. Naturally, they got me wet. A little agitated, I wiped the water from my eyes as I felt a hand on my hip. I turned around immediately to find myself face to face with Jacob Black. Water was dripping from his hair, so I knew it was him who had jumped. I shrieked gleefully, threw my arms around his neck, and jumped into his open arms. I breathed in slowly, now realizing that he had been the scent I'd been smelling.

"Oh my God, Jacob, I had no idea you would be here!"

"Neither did I! I mean, you… I mean, I didn't know _you_ would be here."

I laughed. "This is amazing! Jake… I never thought I'd see you again."

He smiled at me as he brushed a wet strand of hair from my face and kissed me softly. God, I had missed him. And just like last time, all feelings for Edward disappeared.


	23. Before I Loved You, I Hated You

By twilight, I was sitting against his chest in the sand, both of us watching the sunset. It was the perfect moment. I ran my fingertips along his tan skin, letting the feeling wash over me. He was so beautiful and I never wanted to leave him. It was Tuesday night, which meant that, after tonight, we had three days left together. It was unfair and heartbreaking to think about.

"When did you get here?" I asked him, interlacing my fingers through his, just like he used to do to me.

"Saturday," he said, gently pulling my hair away from my neck.

"So you'll leave when I leave? This Saturday?"

I felt something shatter. I think it might have been him. But I didn't look at him. I stayed calm and continued to watch the sunset.

"No, Bella. I leave a week from Saturday. Rebecca and I came down here with our cousin for a two-week thing."

"Oh," I said quietly.

"Are _you_ leaving this Saturday?"

"Yes."

"Oh…"

"But let's not worry about that," I said cheerfully, turning to face him. "Let's just be together."

Then I leaned forward and kissed him deeply, letting all my tension and worries fall off me like water off of wax. Then he gently laid me down on my back in the sand, leaning over me as he kissed me passionately. I wanted to stay forever in his arms; I never wanted this feeling to leave.

But, as always, it had to. Renee stood out on our balcony and called my name. I fought my way out from under Jake and stood up, looking back at Renee. Luckily, she couldn't see Jake, who was still on the ground, because of the tall beach grass.

"Coming, Mom!"

When she went back inside, I turned back to Jake and he took my hands.

"Meet me here early in the morning tomorrow," he said urgently. "I'll be here waiting for you."

"I will," I promised.

Then he kissed me passionately once more.

"BELLA!" I heard Renee scream from the balcony.

"I'm coming!" I called back.

I turned around and headed for the door. But Jake came after me and grabbed my arm, pulling me back to him and kissing me urgently again. I heard Renee yell for me once more and I had to unwillingly pull myself away from Jake and rush upstairs. When I got to my room, I discreetly looked out the window to watch Jacob leave.

I woke up at five the next morning. I put on a sundress and my sandals and snuck out. Jacob was waiting for me just like he said he would. He greeted me with a kiss and he took my hand, leading me down the beach. It was still dark; no trace of the sun yet.

"So when do you go off to college?" I asked.

"About when you go back to school, maybe a little later."

"Welding?"

"You remember," he smiled. "Have you got a plan?"

"What?"

"For college."

I laughed. "I'm about to be a high school junior. I'm fickle and flighty. I won't know what I want until I'm thirty."

"Yeah, I noticed that earlier this summer. You're very young. Young and beautiful and… well, young."

I smiled. "And you clearly thought I was naïve too."

"You are."

"Not naïve enough to sleep with you. Believe me, Jacob Black, I know when a guy is trying to take advantage of me."

"Is that what you thought that was?"

"Well, hell, Jake. We had only known each other for a couple of hours or so before you had your hand in my bathing suit. What was I supposed to think? Did you really think I was that easy?"

"Okay, okay. I'll admit, it was very guyish thing to do. But I wasn't trying to take advantage of you. I really liked you. And I mean, _really_ liked you."

"Then I guess that would make you the first."

"First what?"

"First guy to ever really like me."

"Bullshit."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"You have a boyfriend, don't you?"

"If I had a boyfriend, do you honestly think I'd be out here with you? And besides, I know for a fact _you_ have a girlfriend. So what the hell are you doing with me?"

"You must not get on Facebook often anymore. That would explain why your relationship status never changed back to 'single' and why you never saw _my_ relationship status change back to 'single'."

"Why did you guys break up?" I asked, trying to hide my surprise.

"You."

"What? What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"She found a picture of me and you together on my phone."

"Which one?"

"The one your mom took the last night we were together."

"That doesn't sound like a big deal. I mean, it's just a picture. It was a long time ago-"

"It was my background."

I was then rendered speechless. "Oh…"

"She wasn't mad or anything, but she was hurt. She broke up with me."

"So I guess relationships really aren't your thing, huh? You tend to keep photos of the girl before?"

"No. I typically suck at relationships anyhow, but the only thing that was standing between me and Irina was you."

I just stared at him.

"Bella, I cried all night after you left. I had to go downstairs before you even went out the door. You were the highlight of my summer. The ride home was hell and I wished you had gone with me."

"What are you saying?"

"You mean besides the fact that I was unsatisfied?"

My mouth fell open. "Well, I'm sorry I wasn't able to satisfy you!" And then I turned around and headed back to the resort. He caught my arm and turned me back around.

"I wasn't satisfied because we didn't have enough time together. I didn't even get to spend two days with you and I hated that. We should've had more time."

"Jake, it wasn't the _quantity_ of our time together. It was the _quality_. There isn't one thing about our fling that I would've changed. But there's a part of me that will always believe that if we tried, we could've had a lifetime's worth."

"What do you mean?"

"We spent all that time trying to hide it from our parents when, guess what? They knew it the whole time. Hell, they even knew it before _we_ did! The only really clueless ones there were you and Leah. _I_ knew everyone else knew. But you were oblivious. Why you even wanted to hide it is beyond me."

"Because it was real, Bella! I found myself staring at you so much that first day. There were moments when I had to actually snap myself out of it. Do you know what that's like? How scary it is? It hit me like a ton of bricks. Bella, I had gone to Forks thinking that it was going to be the most miserable three days of my life. I wanted nothing more than to go home. I hated being there and I hated you."

"What?" I asked quietly.

"Yes, Bella. I hated you before I met you."

"Why?"

"Because when I heard about you for the first time, I imagined this immature, naïve sixteen-year-old, wild and stupid." He stopped to chuckle. "I visualized acne and braces… glasses even. Frizzy hair, maybe fat." I hit him playfully and he laughed again. "But most of all, I imagined you being someone that I would want to avoid, someone I couldn't relate to or carry on a conversation with. But when you walked through that door… it was like all the pieces of my life were falling into place. You were so beautiful. And I could see your heart. And I… and I loved you."

My heart stopped. I couldn't believe this was happening. I searched for any sign that he was lying, but I found nothing. He truly loved me. And, for once, it felt right.

I let him lean in to kiss me passionately. His arms snaked around me, holding me protectively. His hands reached up to tangle themselves in my hair as our lips moved in sync. I was falling hard for Jacob Black. And I knew what was going to happen next. I felt his fingers go for the zipper in the back of my dress. He slowly unzipped it and let the strapless sundress fall to sand around my feet.


	24. Second Chance

I woke up in the sand, lying naked in Jacob's arms. There was a faded beach towel covering us. I felt Jake's lips press against my temple and I was at peace. I was lying in the arms of the guy I loved and everything was perfect.

"Bella?" he whispered in my ear.

"Hmm?"

"What did you mean when you said we could've had a lifetime's worth?"

"Well, instead of trying to hide something from our parents that they already knew, we could've gone out and done something like… gone to the mall or the movies or just to lunch. I mean, if you had just gone up to your mom and said, 'Hey, I wanna take Bella to a movie. Can I have the keys?' she would've given them to you in a second. You didn't have to lie to your parents just so that you could come to my house and maybe have sex."

"You didn't like the tension?"

"Oh, I loved the tension. I can be quite the addict sometimes. But I knew it wouldn't work. I think that was why your dad wanted to go with you to 'Walmart' in the first place. You hadn't been honest with him about me, so he knew you were lying. He knew that you were planning on seeing me. And I'll bet you that he thought we might screw around."

"Okay, so you have a point."

I smiled before looking over Jake to see the sun beginning to rise. "It's sunrise. I should probably get back."

He sighed as he pressed his lips to my collarbone. "Do you have to?"

"Unless you want my parents to come looking for me and find us like this." I gestured to our nudity.

"I guess you're right," he sighed, leaning off me so that I could get up.

I stood, bare, looking around for my sundress. I found it fifteen feet away. I brought it back to my and Jake's nest in the sand and slipped it on in front of him, giving him a little bit of a treat before I had to leave. I leaned down and kissed him before running back to the resort. I got about ten feet before I turned back around to face Jake.

"Jake?"

He looked up.

"I love you too."

His face lit up and I smiled. Then I began running again.

Charlie, Renee, and Ben were all in the cafeteria when I got there, so I joined them.

"Where have you been?" Charlie asked.

"Shell-searching," I said casually.

"In the dark?"

"It wasn't that dark."

"If you say so."

I sat down in front of my empty plate. After my morning with Jake, I had absolutely no appetite.

"Aren't you hungry, Bella?" Renee asked.

"No. I guess it's too early. You know, I'm gonna go up and watch TV or something."

"But we're gonna spend all day doing stuff!"

I froze. Oh no.

"What do you mean?"

"We're gonna go to St. George Island, Panama City, and Daytona."

"_All day_?"

"All day."

"But I wanna stay here."

"I thought you hated it here. That's why we're spending the day away from here."

"No, I like it here. It just took some getting used to, that's all. Please, I really don't feel like going anywhere today."

"Okay," Renee sighed, "we'll just go without you."

I nodded, secretly relieved, and headed for the elevator. As soon as the door shut, my phone went off. It was Jake.

"Jake?"

"Hey, are your parents around?"

"For the time being. They're making a round trip around Florida today. I convinced them to go without me."

"So they're gonna be gone all day?"

"Yes."

"That's good. Call me when they've been gone for at least an hour. That way, they'll be less likely to come back because they forgot something."

"No problem."

"Okay, I'll see you in a little bit. I love you."

I smiled. "I love you too. Bye."

"Bye."

I hung up right as the elevator stopped on my floor. I walked to my room and pulled out my key card. After letting myself in, I looked out the window. Jake was nowhere to be seen. My skin was hot. And it didn't matter how cold I turned the air conditioning, I could find no relief. I felt… unsatisfied.

I waited until an hour after the others left before I called him and, of course, he came running. I opened the door for him and he grabbed me and picked me up, slamming me back against the wall and kissing me urgently. The bed was only feet away, but that wasn't close enough for us. My skin was still so hot and I was about to get exactly what I needed. Jake. And so it happened right there against the wall. And his eyes never left mine.

It took all of two minutes before it happened.

I collapsed onto him, all of my muscles turning to rubber. I flung my arms around his neck and buried my face into his shoulder, not even able to hold my head up. I moaned loudly, the pleasure almost too much for me to bear. Jake had both hands against the wall, but then he had to grab onto the curtains to hold us both up. The weight of the both of us took its toll on the curtains and it all came crashing down with us as Jake's muscles turned to jello as well. I fell on top of him on the floor. He was still inside me.

I couldn't move. We just laid there, out of breath. My head rested on his chest and, with trembling arms, he ran his fingertips over my back gently. We laid there for what felt like forever. And that was when I realized… this was my second chance. The uncertainty was gone and I had all my answers. I was in love with Jacob. I had made love with Jacob. Twice. And after that, I knew exactly who it was that I wanted to be with forever.


	25. I Will Remember You

Our rooms were packed up. Our flight was leaving in a couple of hours and it was almost time for me to go. It was daybreak. I walked down to the beach where Jake stood, staring out at the ocean. I came up beside him and put a hand on his arm. He turned to me and tried to smile. The look on his face broke my heart.

"When are you leaving?" he asked solemnly.

"We have a few minutes. Not long, though."

"Can't you get your parents to let you stay? You could stay with me and Rebecca and fly back with us to Portland-"

I put my finger to his lips. "No, Jake. You know I can't."

"Why not?"

"I have obligations… well, responsibilities. People that need me."

"They can't wait for you a little longer?"

I smiled sympathetically. "No. Not the ones who have _been_ waiting."

"I wish we had more time," he whispered, holding my hand tightly.

I let a tear escape as I rest my forehead against his. "I know. So do I. It's not fair and it's not right, but it's the way it is."

I could feel tears sliding down my cheeks, but they weren't mine. I realized that they were Jacob's. I lifted my head up lifted his chin with my finger, making him look me in the eyes.

"Jake, listen to me. I love you. I will _always_ love you. But I have to go now."

He nodded. "Will you stay in touch this time?"

I looked up at him and paused. Then finally, I said, "No."

"We shouldn't talk?"

I shook my head. "Not after today. You and I both know it'll hurt too much." I looked him the eyes again. "I know it doesn't seem right or easy… but _believe_ me. It _will_ get easier. If we just keep our distance and don't stay in touch… given enough time, we'll be able to-"

"Forget," he finished.

"Yeah…"

Then he pulled me even closer to him and we kissed as urgently and as passionately as we had the last time we had to say goodbye. It was one of the hardest times of my life. But this time, I found it easier. And that was because I loved him. He wrapped his arms around me for the last time. I could feel his love surrounding me and it was the most serene feeling I had felt in a long time.

Then I had to pull away. I walked solemnly back toward where Renee stood, waiting for me. There was no telling what was going through her mind at that moment, but I didn't care. I just focused on walking away from Jake. That was… until he called my name one last time. I turned around without any hesitation. His eyes were filled with an unexplainable fire.

"I love you too."

I smiled at him one last time as a tear rolled down my cheek. Then I turned back around and left him behind. When I approached Renee, she wordlessly put an arm around my shoulder and led me to the taxi that waited for us.

As the taxi drove us away, toward the airport, I refused to look back. I turned my back on a guy I was deeply in love with. But I was happy. And it was because I knew exactly what I was doing.

_It hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time,_

_I want what's yours and I want what's mine;_

_I want you, but I'm not giving in this time._

I sat in my first-class seat, secretly imagining that Jake would appear in front of me, ready to beg me to stay and whisk me away to California with him. But I knew in my heart that, no matter how much I loved him, that's not what fate wanted for me. And it wasn't truly what I wanted for myself.

_Goodbye to you,_

_Goodbye to everything that I knew;_

_You were the one I loved,_

_The one thing that I tried to hold onto._

Goodbye, Jacob Black.


	26. Fate Had Brought Us Here

I knocked on the door of the house that sat straight across from the spot that began the end of Collin's life. The next few minutes would determine everything. I held my breath and waited for what seemed like forever before Edward finally opened the door.

"Bella?"

"It's me," I smiled in slight relief.

"I waited for you…"

"I know." I threw my arms around his neck and held him closely. I was surprised when he wrapped his arms around me and held me close to him protectively. I pulled back so that I could see his face. He looked like he had finally found a place of serenity and peace. So had I. He let me go and took my hand, leading me to the couch. We both sat down.

"How was Florida?" he asked quietly.

"It was good. Eye-opening."

"You were with Jake."

I didn't bother denying it or asking him how he knew. The answer was clear to me. He could read me. "Yes."

"You spent a lot of… time with him."

I nodded. "Yes."

"You love him."

I paused. "Yes." I looked him straight in the eyes. "I love him. But I learned a lot while I was away. The last time he kissed me, he made me forget you. He took all the pain you had ever caused me and made it evaporate into thin air. He changed everything for me. But this time, he made me realize something about myself. No matter how much he loves me and no matter how much I love him in return…" He held his breath, probably expecting me to cut him off from my life forever. "…you are the only one I wanna kiss for the rest of my life."

He looked deep into my eyes, that same old shimmer coming back to his eyes.

"I may love him, but I'll always love you more."

He smiled joyfully at me.

"And if I had to choose… it'd be you." Tears began to flow freely. "_It's always been you_."

"Bella," he said softly, leaning toward me with piercing green eyes. "I love you."

I smiled, staring into his eyes. He put a hand to my face and I touched his hand. "I love you too."

And with those words, he snaked his arms around my waist and pulled me onto his lap. I knew fate had brought me here and now here I was. Kissing the guy I was meant to be with. The guy I realized was the guy of my dreams, the love of my life. I felt the love and the passion in the air. It consumed us both, binding us together. I had met Jacob Black for reasons beyond my control. He had shown me the way back to the true desires of my own heart. Without him, I would've never been set straight on the path that would lead me to happiness with Edward. But Jake's heart had been broken in the process.

I knew, however, that someday… another girl would come along and heal him completely as he had done me. He would receive the same peace… if would be patient. I had faith in that. But for now, my attention was turned to my future. To Edward. He had been the one who made me happiest. He made me cry, made me laugh, made me smile, and destroyed me altogether. Through the pain and tears, I thought I'd never get through it. I saw him as the adversary at times, true evil. Never had it occurred to me that it was the way it had to be. That eventually, it would transform into something I couldn't live without. Some would call it suffering. Others would call it a mistake. Little did I know that it was far from that.

It was beauty in the making.


	27. AN

**I want everyone to know that, with time, I will not only write a sequel to THIS story, but also a prequel to Play Me. This is NOT the end. But I honestly don't know when they'll be started. It depends on how things go at school how often I update. But I PROMISE there will be one hell of a continuation :).**


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